Petite Syrah

extra virgin olive oil

2005-11-08T13:04:00.000-08:00

Petite Syrah will be no longer, sorry folks. I'm sticking with myspace and making my blog viewable only to friends, which can only be people I actually know. While there may be many kind and friendly strangers out there in the world, I've been nearly overwhelmed in the past couple days with ones that are too friendly and I need to be more careful from now on. Yeah that means no more blogging as if I were a ten year old kid writing a diary of whatever passing thought. So if you want to know what's happening at the dollhouse, you'll have to email me. I think I'll go curl up in a corner and disappear into spa magazine for the rest of the afternoon.

a Moo Cow, a Kitty, and a Candy Basket

2005-11-01T15:24:00.000-08:00

Happy November 1st!! It rained all night and into the morning, and now it's nearly winter here. I'm posting pictures from Halloween. Since I spent the holiday with my family, I settled on being a moo cow. I thought that perhaps the Gretl costume would be inappropriate for family time, and I didn't want to go out unacommpanied. ;o)
The first photo is me and my niece, Ella, playing around before we put on our costumes. The pictures that follow are our little kitty cat that I took trick-or-treating. She's really the happiest baby ever, but we cannot often get her to smile at the camera. I think she's around 15 months. I'm not posting any photos of me in the cow costume. It's really for the best. I had never accompanied a small child trick-or-treating before, but let me tell you, the adult in such a situation gets gipped. People asked me, "Oh, are you trick-or-treating, too?" What? Why else would I be dressed up in this damned cow costume? Really. Next year miss coffey is going to a grown up party as gretl, or little bo peep. But I'm glad that baby had a good time. :o)

Mask-burning Party

2005-10-31T19:26:00.000-08:00

Best friends are as much a matter of determined self-revelation as they are favor and destiny. How can people know you unless you show yourself to them? Though there are some things we will instinctively know about each other, how sweet is it when one offers you freely what is on his heart and mind- to raise another up, not merely for the purpose of pushing her forward but in order to hold her face to face. Yes, how much more frightening than monsters or ghosts of the past, how intimate and terrifying in the deepest sense, and yet how rewarding. This is what it means to truly be alive. How often we simply eat in the presence of others, high towers prevailing to keep us apart, rather than to truly dine with our friends. Such barriers secure us only from the prospect of truly living. It costs a little pride to call out, "Wait for me, please, I'm just behind you!" But then we can all go together. To steadily lose a sense of self-preservation in the presence of friends, to care no longer for trying to appear a certain way in the eyes of others, is to be free to give and receive love for who you really are, no longer stooping to hold up a puppet in your place. The patience and persistance of one of my oldest and dearest friends is what enabled me to finally burn many of my masks, but even with the sincerest graces of others to fall back on, it is still a difficult choice. Self-revelation is not something one can force on anyone, nor would it be nearly as valuable if one could. There is perhaps far too much emphasis placed on the chemistry of friends and lovers than on the necessity for a continued mutual revelation between them.

Fraidy Meow!

2005-10-30T21:14:00.000-08:00

We had a pumpkin carving party tonight, and I made a meow face. I can't take complete credit for it, because my mom did help me with it. The problem is that I ate some raw pumpkin, not knowing that you're only supposed to eat it cooked, and consequently felt nauseated by the smell of pumpkin innards all evening. :o(
Below are photos take by the camera on my phone, so they're not very high quality. First is the pumpkin I carved and second is the next door neighbors' six-toed kitty cat. It's the meanest little thing. I tried to pet her, and she fratched at me with her giant paw. I've circulated pictures of this meow among my friends, and one remarked that she appears to be "an ill-tempered creature." This is true.

Rx: October

2005-10-29T15:09:00.000-07:00

Any pizza with chicken on it demands to be eaten with ale. This public service announcement comes to you courtesy of miss coffey's kitchen. I've had the loveliest October that a girl can have and am ending the month with autumnal cleaning, fresh pillow cases, and a Jane Austen novel. I've danced in piles of yellow leaves, walked through the organic market, played some poker, visited my favorite winery, had lunch with my sister and her babyloo, and thoroughly enjoyed my work. And I am happy to report that at all times I have been safe without harm and healthy as a ten year old kid. Not believing that I could live without a certain hat-wearing gentleman of yesteryear, I spent most of August crying myself to sleep every night, distilling a more potent version of myself in the bitterly wept tears of a silly-headed maiden. The fleeting heartaches of youth quickly reacquaint a person with the value of surrender. Twas the witch's message to Dorothy in the sky, was it not? :o)

My October wine recommendation is the The Rocca delle Macie Rubizzo Sangiovese with pasta, cheese, steak, just about anything. It's extremely versatile. I had it with the seafood portofino at the Olive Garden when I went with my sister, at the recommendation of a sympathetic waitress who shared my strong preference for reds, even with seafood. My sister, the pop culture lovin' mother of a dolly-faced pincess, ordered Chateau Ste. Michelle's riesling and found that it was more sweet than any she'd ever tasted. I found it to be slightly unpalatable, definitely not something to be had with a large lunch. But to each her own. I was shocked out of my mind to discover that the baby loves Eggplant Parmigiana. It is a little known fact that fondue is the way to my heart, and my niece acted as though she was doing me a favor by eating the little bites of it that I fed her from our appetizer. But then again how could she know how I feel about fondue? She's going to get spoiled rotten. :o)

So afterwards we paid a visit to the Hauer of the Dauen, which I learned means "the first light of day." I like that. Officially they were closed for tasting, but I hunted someone down and purchased the wines I wanted for our Thanksgiving feast, and then we headed back to McMinnville. I feel like a kid in a candy store being so near to all of these vineyards. What am I going to do when I no longer live in the Northwest?

proxime accessit

2005-10-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

Sky is calling to the steeple
As it echoes out my name
I can hear You in the air I breathe

Spanning the years that have come and gone
You roll like the ocean underneath the sun
Weaving my soul to the Holy One
Weaving on and on with love...

-Michelle Tumes "deep love"-

evidence of fratching!

2005-10-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, so today Dixie (my mom's cat) fratched my arm and it bled! :o( I had to use two bandaids.

And secondly, it's autumn now, and we can wear striped stockings. :o)

Reading Lolita in Tehran

2005-10-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

Book Reveiw Time. Yay! I recently completed Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi, upon Marion's recommendation, and I absolutely loved it. It's basically a short memoir in books of an Iranian literature professor. She taught in Iran during the revolution and was forced to leave one of her posts for refusing to wear the veil. After that she began a little book class in her home for some of her female students to study the forbidden western litarature. This book is the coziest autumn read I've had in a long time, and at the same time is highly educational about Iranian culture and history. Nafisi has an intuitive grasp of what it takes to write good fiction, though her story is real. When he first told me about this book, I didn't think it sounded very interesting, but he compelled me to go get it. I couldn't have been more pleased. I think you'll enjoy it, too. Plus we're in the middle of the month of Ramadan, and you need to know more about Persians. :o)

the winemaker

2005-10-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

From time to time Safeway has incredible deals on the mainline brands of wine and a few local makers as well. Ours sells the Duck Pond's Pinot, Chardonnay, and their Columbia Valley 2002 Syrah- which was of special interest to me and also on sale. I couldn't resist throwing it in the cart with the cat litter and ice cream for which my mom had sent me, suddenly plunging back into memories of last winter. The first time I had this particular wine was December 2004 when visiting the Duck Pond Cellars on my birthday. At that time I declared that this was the wine that I wanted at my wedding, or at least a pony bottle by my bedside. Inky, bold, metamorphic, I found it completely tantalizing and still do, to Marion's amusement. "Here we are in territory famous for pinot and you still manage to fall in love with another syrah..."

Last December, my boyscout and I set out to educate ourselves about the finest pinot noir in the world, venturing off to most of the main vineyards in Dundee and several obscure, off-the-road wineries. One such small place was called the Hauer of the Dauen. We were both attracted to and curious about the name, laughing about how ominously it rolled off the tongue. As we pulled into the gravel parkway, there was no ostentatious display, no fancy tasting room, just the naked operations of wine-making. The cellar master was there in the room with all the oak barrels, though you would never have guessed by his coveralls and soil-covered hands that he was the man in charge. I loved him immediately. He was sensitive about the soil in a way that only a winemaker can be, and he spoke to us about how he was one of the only ones in Oregon who attempted to make Gewurztraminer. There was nothing pretentious about him, nothing that would distract from the beauty of what he was creating. We saw only the painting, and the hand of the painter never intruded to ruin the magic. His pinot was some of the finest I've ever tasted. It was raw and edgy and bore the unique personality of the cellar master. Not everyone was guaranteed to like his brand of viticulture, but then again he wasn't mass-marketing his wine. He made it, because it pleased him and grinned happily as we tasted. I nearly cried. We left with several bottles and an experience that would forever change the landscape of my palette.

February was our baptism into bordeaux, when I flew to Paris to see him on his break from touring Europe. The first time I was in Paris was a brief excursion with the co-leaders from the DTS that I staffed, Yasuko, the sweetest Japanese woman I've ever met, and Maida, an Egyptian woman who taught me that living in the joy can be even more difficult than learning to trust. We wandered Parisian street markets with our cups of hot wine in one blissful evening before catching the train back to Geneva. But this time I had two weeks, and I was with my boyscout, the man whom Maida's wisdom had prepared me for, and though my whole world was in his eyes, I found renewed energy exploring the sites of Paris. Every day we tried a different bordeaux, gradually learning which vintages were good and which were better left to other buyers. It didn't matter that it was mind-numbingly cold that time of year, because the adventure was more than experiencing all the bordeaux anyone could wish for. I was getting to know my long-time American friend on foreign soil, coincidentally the same soil that produced bordeaux renowned the world over. I still harbored a secret allegiance to my hometown pinot and bought a French pinot just to compare, but it didn't hold a candle to Oregon winemakers. "We already knew that," he said. I just needed confirmation, and though I felt triumphant, it was my pleasure to discover again what was always evident. My tongue fell in love with the fruit of the soil that was dealt to my corner of the world.

you should know better

2005-10-09T15:44:00.000-07:00

Some mornings begin with the sound of the alarm clock, insistantly beckoning you back to consciousness, like someone carelessly flipping on the lights after a movie. Much preferred is waking into the safety of your salutation. You woke before me. You were already driving through the day, while I slept to the rhythmic clicking of the turn signal. Answering the phone out of a deep slumber, I hear a voice far away saying, "Hello, sleepy," and I smile, though not quite awake. It's you, and I want to be awake now. For the past few days, every night in the shower and every morning upon waking, this song has been in my head...goes like this... I am fed up to be your twin brother- you're not my sister. And every time I think of that I want to, I want to say to you, I want to talk to you, When I look into your eyes, I see a yellow butterfly...

animus

2005-10-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

I went for a run in the rain today in order to satisfy my body's demand for a fight. Perhaps you know that point where you feel as though you're going to puke and then shortly thereafter follows a nearly impossible sense of well-being, the colors of grass and sky suddenly spilling more vibrantly over the landscape than you noticed before your moment of exhiliaration. I find that focused thought is often the byproduct of such activity. Some people hate to hear that, would love to believe that any positive effects of exercise are all myths. My goodness, you'd be surprised. And all the while America is dying of heart disease. I'm baffled by how frequently newspapers and other periodicals will hail mentally retarded people as "our local heros" or the wheel-chair bound artist as a role-model. Nobody aspires to that. It's a freakin tragedy that anyone has to live with impairment. America doesn't seem to be able to recognize true heroism anymore. When she does mention fallen heroes on the nightly news, it is accompanied by the not so subtle hint that "We at the network think this is such a senseless waste of life, but you should know the names of America's fallen." This is an erosion of honor and completely undermines what the sacrifice was for. Don't even mention it, if you're going to do it half-assed. This is the worst form of gluttony- to view liberty as something merely to be ingested, enjoyed, and taken for granted. Guess what, lady, the man who beats you isn't your hero.

See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me...

-liz phair "extraordinary"-

Scarecrow ESB

2005-10-03T11:46:00.000-07:00

Saturday I worked at the McMinnville pregnancy center, because their director was out of town for a conference. Though it was relatively quiet, I still found my mind tossing and turning and kicking at the covers, so afterwards I headed to McMenamins. First I walked a few blocks down to scout out the location where they have Texas Hold'em tournaments around here. Unfortunately, it's not in a cozy pub atmosphere, but I'll still go check it out anyway. Sitting alone in a booth next to the window, I ordered a pint of their Scarecrow ESB, an amber ale with a bit of a bite to it, and a cup of African Chicken Peanut Soup. After about 20 minutes of watching colored leaves float down from the trees nearby, my lips started to tingle, and I wanted to be outside. While there I noticed two things: One is that Oregon people are fond of pea green attire, and the other is that McMenamins has mustard made with Terminator Stout. Both of these things made me smile.

Eyes still salty and sore from unfavorable relations at home, I drove back to what is not to be referred to as "my place" anymore, and I couldn't get that old Natalie Imbruglia song out of my head, the one that goes: Illusion never changed into something real. I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. I don't even like that song. As I was driving, there appeared around the corner a rainbow against the backdrop of dark and white clouds, hanging fantastically low to the ground. The whole scene looked as though it might burst into tears at any moment. So I put on running shoes on and ran around the track for a mile, took a shower, and cooked up some chili before it started to rain again. Slept far too late into Sunday... Dreamed about being stuck in some alternate dimension of time, my only chance to return being in the creation of a portal from the other end, if only they knew... Ah yes, here is your chance to ruthlessly mock my childhood affinity for Star Trek. :o)

honeybrush

2005-09-30T17:43:00.000-07:00

I drove to work Wednesday morning in cloud- couldn't see more than 50 feet ahead of me. Today it's raining, and I wish I were vineyard-hopping or at home drinking honeybrush tea, enjoying the sweet, unhurried exchanges of a grey autumn afternoon.

I woke up at 7 this morning and sat queitly for an hour before beginning the daily rituals- coffee, bagel, make-up, email, toothbrushing. When I arrived at work I spent about an hour with a girl who used to be a meth addict but is now pregnant, and she is just a darling. She comes in every week to talk and go through parenting workbooks or bible studies, and we always have a good time. The work that we do here is a ministry done by women for women and their children. So I guess that Women's Ministry class I had was actually useful ;o) I remember sitting in a classroom full of girls (and one guy named Levi who was kind of a smartass) reciting aloud in unison, "I cry out to God Most High, to God who performs all things for me." (one version says, "who fulfills His purpose for me" ..ps.57:2) A bit archaic and sing-songy in away, but entirely unforgettable. Dr. Watney's wife came in specially just to teach that class, and she is a real lady, if I've ever known one. She had it going on... and in her own way, she knew how to instill the essence of what it means to be a lady- to trust, to be patient, gentle, to be led, to know that the best thing you possess is your ability to cry out to God Most High, who performs all things for His little girls. Intercession is the lifeblood of any ministry, and the best way you can help women is to teach them to call out to their greatest Advocate. So yeah, thanks Karen Watney. You're the finest. :o)

republican boys are hot

2005-09-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

stolen from laura's boyfriend's blog:

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

- John Stuart Mill

baby girl

2005-09-25T16:10:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to make dinner tonight with boneless/skinless chicken breasts. I'm supposed to find a recipe on the internet that sounds good to me and make it. I live with my mom, kind of. In her other house. But I come over for dinner. :o) I'm thinking of trying an experiment, involving bacon, cheese, chicken, olive oil (i love, i love you), and minced garlic.

So lately I've been concerned about female infanticide in China. This is a crime committed by women against women and is dizzying in its scope. Do you know about it? We need to read up. In the last census in 2000, there were nearly 19 million boys more than girls in the 0-15 age group. The ramifications of gender-selective abortions are now becoming evident, and as a by-product we're getting an increase in international crime, particularly kidnapping, prostitution, and human trafficking. The most dangerous, violence-vulnerable position to be in today is to be Chinese, female, and in the womb of your mother. India has similar things going on...But what complicates matters is that it has become very politically incorrect to be an advocate for the voiceless these days. You're labeled intolerant, uneducated, uninformed, and fanatical. A commitment to truth is going to be offensive, and you will experience a lot of rejection and derision. My culture tells me that I'm backward and unenlightened. My heart tells me that to possess a voice and the knowledge of such global atrocities is to be responsible for action. C.S. Lewis writes, "Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations -- these are all mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit -- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours."

It's not necessary to cover your ears and shout, "I can't hear you!" in issues like these, because you're not going to hear anything from the victims anyways. The little girls dying do not yet have voices to call for your help, and the women perpetrating these crimes are oftentimes silent, ashamed, and grieving. Both are in need of our prayers and our action. This kind of problem doesn't just go away. Blame doesn't accomplish anything. It goes far deeper than social action, programs, and legislation. There is a spiritual war going on for the elimination of the destiny of the next generation of warriors. These are symptoms of the end, and to fill the sound of your atmosphere with the TV or music all day is to bury your head in the sand. We need to fill the air with the sound of our voices calling out for those who cannot. None of this bowing your head and silently well-wishing. Allow yourself to be moved, to literally cry out, to roar, to fight, to be victorious in your requests. You will be answered. You may even be part of the answer.

Do you like apples?

2005-09-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

I'm over at my mom's house, and she just gave Ella a bath. Ella is my one year old niece and she has completely mastered the words, "Bye-bye!" This will come in handy someday when she starts going out on dates. I'm trying to get her to say things like, "Bye bye, baby" and "Bye bye, bonita!" but it's not working. She does, however, know how to wave while saying it, opening and closing her hand like a little birdie face.

I came over here in search of an apple. All I want is an apple. Okay, that's not true. I want some plain yogurt mixed with cinnamon in which to dip the apple, but it's not absolutely necessary. There are no apples here. I guess I'll have to settle for watermelon and a piece of chicken. Incidentally, I do not recommend KFC's chicken wings. The sauces are all wrong. I do recommend Safeway's olive bagels. Popped one of them in the oven this morning. (I dont have a toaster) This should be a food blog.

Summer is over. (This sounds like a 4th grader's diary, doesnt it? I'm too tired to try harder. You're gonna wish I were still unemployed.) Bust out the warm socks.

baby baby

2005-09-16T22:13:00.000-07:00

My first day at work in the Pregnancy Center was delightful, though I would like to do a bit of redecorating. :o) All in good time. Basically my job is to give free pregnancy tests, counsel with the girls about the results and their situations, give away baby clothes/maternity clothes/baby supplies, and refer the women to agencies for food, healthcare, support, adoption, etc. Given the availability of pregnancy tests in stores, even dollar stores, many of the women who come in for a free test are poor or need someone to talk to. I work with a team of huge-hearted, experienced volunteers and am very blessed to be with them.

After working at the center, I had a two hour break before some additional training in the evening. In need of an espresso recharge, I sat down at a little cafe called the French Bear where they make German chocolate mochas. I ordered one and a bagel lightly toasted and sat at one of the high tables that looks out the window. Next to me was a wall of Northwestern goods for sale: coffee, herbs, tea, etc, and a couple snuggled into a corner table. They emptied their tall wine glasses and kissed as if the whole world beyond their table has disappeared. So sweet. I bless that wherever I see it and smiled out the window, as the rain started to pour down. I forgot my umbrella and had to make my way back to my car in the rain, but I couldn't have been more content. Tomorrow morning/afternoon is more training, then begins my weekend. Who wants to have beers and hotwings? :o)

decidedly delicious

2005-09-12T20:44:00.000-07:00

Some of you may know that I am a huge fan of Icelandic music. Sigur Ros has a new album out, and it is so lovely. You can listen here: http://www.myspace.com/sigurros
Last night I dreamed that Bjork was in my freshman spanish class in high school before she was famous. Truly Bizarre.
Tonight: Ancient Christmas Carols, candles, and Mr. Bubble Bubble-Bath

precipitating patience

2005-09-10T22:35:00.000-07:00

"Disappointments are to the soul what the thunder-storm is to the air." This is a quote from Friedrich von Schiller. I appreciate axiomatic imagery, because it opens our understanding in the way that we knew first- pictures. Before any of us could read we looked at the pictures. This quote says to me that diappointment releases the storm and everything that's been held at odds in the electricity of the air. Experientially, I know this to be true, though I'm trying my hardest not to be so stormy when the disappointments come. And they will come.

Robert Burns said that "Suspense is worse than disappointment." If you are determined to be given to hope, then this cannot be true, for in the hoping there is always a spark of possible fulfillment. In disappointment there is only the task of rebuilding or walking away. Maybe Robert Burns was wired differently.

Richard Nixon, one of my personal heros, said, "The greatness comes not when things go always good for you. But the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes." Man, don't you wish the path to greatness was paved by people saying nice things about you and easy successes all around? But what is greatness, if it is not tested? Untested potential. Just a seed waiting to winter hardship until it's proven. I'm so sleepy now. It's been a quiet, rainy day here in Oregon, and I've spent it very much like a cat. Minus the sleeping part. Goodnight, comrades.

oregonista

2005-09-09T13:21:00.000-07:00

Hey kiddos, guess what, I got a job! I accepted a position today as the director of the Pregnancy Counseling and Information Center in Newberg, Oregon. It's a part-time thing, so I'm looking for something else on the side. I think I'm going to buy a dresser and stop living out of my suitcase now. :o) I'll be in McMinnville for awhile, so y'all will have to come visit me. I have this huge house mostly to myself and it has two fireplaces. hehe. If you come visit, I will take you out wine-tasting at the vineyards one afternoon. And I'll take you to the ocean. And mexican food with margaritas. Oh, and especially you ladies who will be down in Eugene... if you have no place to go for Thanksgiving, you should come up here and stay with me. ;o)

if you wanna subscribe...

2005-09-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

weaving victory on His war-loom

2005-09-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

"Then down the brave men lay with his bolster
under his head and his whole company
of sea-rovers at rest beside him.
None of them expected he would ever see
his homeland again or get back
to his native place and the people who reared him.
They knew too well the way it was before,
how often the Danes had fallen prey
to death in the mead-hall. But the Lord was weaving
a victory on His war-loom for the Weather-Geats.
Through the strength of one they all prevailed;
they would crush their enemy and come through
in triumph and gladness. The truth is clear:
Almighty God rules over mankind
and always has."

-from Beowulf

vindex beef-steakicus

2005-09-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

If you want to see my pulse go wild, just hook me up to a polygraph machine and read me Twas the Night Before Christmas. I tell you, there's something magical about the cadence of that story.

That or a heavily marbled New York Strip steak. Oh yes. Yesterday I was at Safeway, and they had their rib eyes on sale. One of my favorite things in the world is to see red, bloody, uncooked beef. There's nothing better than cooking up some steaks with a side of asparagus cooked in olive oil, a baked potato, a new world syrah, a movie from the blockbuster, and a biting autumn wind outside. Welcome, September.

For my birthday I want either a six-toed meow meow or a miniature meow, preferably white or grey or a mixture. :o)

Ornamental

2005-08-31T17:53:00.000-07:00

This morning my mom dropped by with a coffee grinder and some organic sumatra whole beans which aptly go by the name of Veritas. They've temporarily moved out of their house while some people drill holes in the ceiling. At least, that's how I understand the situation, perhaps because it was explained to me in such a way that I should already know what it all means. Yesterday my mom loaded me up with some tuna, leftover fried rice and steak, a 2/3 full bottle of merlot, and some grape juice. "Here, now you take these and be on your way."

My exploration of the history of the English language winds its way into the Renaissance period, during which we see the language overcoming a great deal of opposition in order to become that of the learned men in their own country. With a great deal of struggle for its place against Latin, the age-old tongue of the learned, and no small amount of providence, English emerges triumphant and is established as a world voice for liberty and learning.
In a heart-quickening burst of foresight, Richard Mulcaster writes:

"I take this present period of our English tung to be the verie height therof, bycause I find it so excellentlie well fined, both for the bodie of the tung it self, and for the customarie writing thereof, as either foren workmanship can give it glosse, or as homewrought hanling can give it grace. When the age of our peple, which now use the tung so well, is dead and departed there will another succede, and with the peple the tung will alter and change. Which change in the full harvest thereof maie prove comparable to this, but sure for this which we now use, it semeth even now to be at the best for substance, and the bravest for circumstance, and whatsoever shall becom of the English state, the English tung cannot prove fairer, then it is at this daie, if it maie please our learned sort to esteme so of it, and to bestow their travell upon such a subject, so capable of ornament, so proper to themselves, and the more to be honored, bycause it is their own."

Because it is their own...If you could see me, I swoon. ;o) How scarce are men these days who feel no shame in loving that which is their own. Modern, tolerant thought lines these men up against the wall and shoots them in the back. Any spark of patriotism seems to have become suspect. To love your own kind, to fight for your nation's security, to be blessed with that which has been given to you and to protect it- this is what it means to be a man. I respect those who love their own kind, not to the exclusion of all others, but to take joy in what is their own and to possess the courage to fight for it. For who has breath or being except that it has been given to him by God? And if it has been given to him by God, then why should he not be filled with passion and fight for that which is rightfully his? We possess no liberty except that which we claim and fight for as children of the God who gave it. Liberty is not an arbitrary value of prosperous men. Liberty is divine. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Where it is not, there is bondage. In all this reading of history, I am wooed, not by the words of the men themselves, but by the Invisible Hand that turned the world for their favor, inspiring the brave words the left their lips in moments of great courage, that Spirit that fought through their swords and brought victory to their hands. I am dizzy in love with the Master of this dangerous, untamable power. For who can claim that he is here on this earth of his own power? And though the lips of mortal man may be so kissably carved and bring forth the most eloquent thoughts and impressions, I see always behind them the indelible image of the Lover Himself, who has destined man for liberty. If my God gave me a crown of liberty, with ornaments all around, and if this tyrannical, death-minded world has stolen the ornaments and sought to destroy me, you had better believe that He will forcefully and systematically cause my enemies to hand over the ornaments or be annihilated, that I may live adorned as He so pleases. It is a fearful thing to stand between the God of the Universe and that which He desires. Why? Because He loves me. I will never be ashamed to surrender to the embrace of one who fights for me.

"For is it not in dede a marvellous bondage, to becom servants to one tung for learning sake, the most of our time, with losse of most time, whereas we maie have the verie same treasur in our own tung, with the gain of most time? Our own bearing the joyfull title of our libertie and fredom, the Latin tung remembring us of our thraldom and bondage? I love Rome, but London better, I favor Italie, but England more, I honor the Latin, but I worship the English." -Mulcaster

which end is up?

2005-08-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

"I can't see why anybody- unless he was a child, or an angel, or a lucky simpleton like the pilgrim- would even want to say the prayer to a Jesus who was the least bit different from the way he looks in the New Testament. My God! He's only the most intelligent man in the Bible, that's all! Who isn't he head and shoulders over? Who? Both Testaments are full of pundits, prophets, disciples, favorite sons, Solomons, Isaiahs, Davids, Pauls- but, my God, who besides Jesus really knew which end was up? Nobody. Not Moses. Don't tell me Moses. he was a nice man, and he kept in beautiful touch with his God, and all that- but that's exactly the point. He had to keep in touch. Jesus realized there is no separation from God." Zooey here clapped his hands together- only once, and not loud, and very probably in spite of himself. His hands were refolded across his chest almost, as it were, before, the clap was out. "Oh, my God, what a mind!" he said. "Who else, for example, would have kept his mouth shut when Pilate asked for an explanation? Not Solomon. Don't say Solomon. Solomon would have had a few pithy words for the occasion. I'm not sure Socrates wouldn't have, for that matter. Crito, or somebody, would have managed to pull him aside just long enough to get a couple of well-chosen words for the record. But most of all, above everything else, who in the Bible besides Jesus knew - knew- that we're carrying the Kingdom of Heaven around with us, inside, where we're all too goddam stupid and sentimental and unimaginitive to look? You have to be a son of God to know that kind of stuff."

-from Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

Him Dryhten sylf, heofona heáhcyning

2005-08-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

I've been reading A History of the English Language lately, originally inspired by a deep curiosity about Norsemen and their influence on our language. As a side note, let me just say that Celestial Seasonings has really outdone themselves in making their Perfectly Pear White Tea! It's slightly sweet in a way similar to white chocolate, and it's caffeinated, which enables me to lie awake late at night, lost in tales of Teutonic conquest and the strange words of a people long dead. I must admit that I am slightly infatuated with the English that was spoken before William the Conqueror succeeded in claiming the English throne. It's rougher, less pretentious, and steeped in the flavor of heroism. When I move my lips to form the sounds that they spoke, it calls to everything that remains yet unconquered in me. I find myself bristling at the mention of Normandy and find that I hale Christmas day, 1066, as somewhat of a tragedy. Many English words that existed before the people were subjected by the French are much more beautiful than those of any romance language. Inherent in them are the strength and character of northern people, the distant footfalls of an era never again to be revisited.

Notes from the library...I picked up D.H. Lawrence for the first time the other day and just as quickly put him back down again. The characters he creates feel so artificial, their situations contrived and self-serving. What I wouldn't give for more of the warm, intimate psychological narrative of Tolstoy's novels. Any recommendations? I've hit upon Edith Wharton and will soon finish her House of Mirth, which I plan to follow up with Age of Innocence. At the library today I picked up Salinger's Franny and Zooey to read together with my compañero favorito, a volume of Rumi's love poems, Beowulf, and Memoirs of a Geisha. Because I have a great deal of blessedly free time on my hands, I would appreciate recommendations in the same vein as the above mentioned. I like books that are best read in fuzzy slippers with a cup of tea after everyone has already gone to sleep. My little sister is a notorious bookworm, and if she doesn't post me a list of satisfying reads, somebody's gonna catch a beat down. Hehe, just kiddin. Kind of.

WANTED: Teutonic Warrior Man. Must be fond of hats. :o)

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment I know why I'm alive

Awakening

2005-08-22T18:11:00.000-07:00

But your dead will live;
their bodies will rise.
You who dwell in the dust,
wake up and shout for joy.
Your dew is like the dew of the morning;
the earth will give birth to her dead.

Isaiah 26:19

enriched with minerals from the dead sea

2005-08-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

This weekend I've been on hold with my web hosting company for minutes unending. They don't make it easy. But they do play songs from Enya's "Shepherd Moons" for the on-hold music, which was the first cassette tape I ever purchased, by the way. So that made it slightly more bearable.I launched my personal website, if you want to go visit:
http://www.misscoffey.com
There is a page on there with info about my design work, along with photos of friends and that kind of thing. If you or someone you know needs some web design done, have them send me an email. I've also put up my best friend's photography website. To visit that one, go to:
http://www.goodingphotography.com There you can view his work and contact us if you want to order prints. Both of these sites are best viewed using Internet Explorer or Mozilla Firefox and have not been adapted to any other browsers. It is imperative that you temporarily disable any pop-up blockers on your browser in order to view them correctly, otherwise you're kind of out of luck.

Hibernation Northwest Bachelorette Style

2005-08-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

I had my first visit to the grocery store since returning home from Korea, after which I was so blissfully grateful to be in America. Prior to the shopping excursion I had quite an emotional evening and arrived at Safeway red-eyed and puffy-faced in my pajamas and a ratty ponytail. I was delighted to find that the Safeway worker guys were courteous and pleasant. Two of them asked if I was finding everything I needed and if in fact I was having a nice day. Well, no, but you're kind to inquire, young man. The cashier bid me farewell with, "Thank you for shopping at Safeway, Miss Coffey. May I help you carry your bags to your car?" That won't be necessary, thank you.

I bought the food necessary to hibernate in my cave for the time being: chicken soup, mushroom soup, sourdough breadbowls, cheddar cheese chili, milk, yogurts (needed me some Tillamook), granola bars, vanilla almond shredded oat cereal, asiago cheese bagels, cream cheese, frozen pizzas, and an Odwalla bar. Who knew Odwalla was putting it in a bar now? Celestial Seasonings was having a buy one get one free deal on their teas, so I picked up the Perfectly Pear White Tea and the classic Tension Tamer. These are guaranteed to ensure fewer tearful calls to Spiderman, a more patient attitude towards my mother, and an unusually calm PMS week for all parties concerned.

Roma, baby...

2005-08-15T12:38:00.000-07:00

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city girl with a small town heart

Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome

Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand

And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

What City Do You Belong in? Take This Quiz :-)

Spiderman

2005-08-11T18:44:00.000-07:00

I don't understand how Spiderman is cool. I mean, I wouldn't say that he's uncool, but I just don't understand him. Girls don't like spiders or webs or anything there related. How can Spiderman be sexy? Wouldn't he be much cooler if he had a power like flying, something completely independent from the art of web-making?

I was forced to kill a spider for myself the other night. It was a monstrous one, with a large center, possibly poisonous. One never can be too sure about these things. My first step towards killing this vicious beast was to call my mom on the phone.

Me: Mom, there's a giant spider here in my room and I need you to come and kill it.
Mom: What? Do you know what time it is? I'm in bed.
Me: But it's a huge one way up high in the corner, and...is that the TV? Are you watching TV? You're not in bed!
Mom: I am NOT coming over there to kill a spider! You go get a broom from the garage and poke at it from a chair. Goodnight!

Phone call #2. was to Spiderman himself. Though I knew he was much too far away to kill the wretched beast, I needed his advice. This Spiderman is a strategist, I tell you. He said that first I need to secure something sturdy to whack it with. I found some newspaper. Then we brainstormed about what was in the house that could be used to kill the *whisper* ...spider... and what I should do if in fact it fell to the ground still alive and tried to escape. He reminded me of my dominion over the animals of the earth. Upon his suggestion, I found a chemical spray. With the pledge and newspaper in hand, I climbed atop a chair, all the while calling loudly and desperately upon Almighty God. I hate spider-kind. I started spraying the Pledge can, and what do ya know, but that damned spider started walking towards me on the ceiling! Could he not read the determination in my eyes? I sprayed continually until finally after a minute or so, the spider fell to the ground in a fit of convulsions. I hoped that its nervous system had been completely destroyed, (Do spiders have nervous systems?) but the beast tried its best to scurry across the carpet. It was then that I met his body with a devastating blow from my newspaper. I called all parties concerned to inform them of my victory and sat down mostly relieved. I say mostly, because I always get this creeping feeling that spiders are vindictive creatures and that somehow the anger of the other spiders has been aroused.

A dozen white roses arrived at my door today with a card that read, "I hope you're having a wonderful day off," completely unrelated to the spider incident, but very much related to the Spiderman previously mentioned. He does know how to brighten the day of the unemployed ;o) And thus continues the legend of Spiderman, elusive but ever sweet. All my days are days off lately. Yes, I'm still looking for a job.

And now I leave you with a quote from Aeschines Socraticus. I'm not a huge fan of reason, and I have several friends who would shoot darts from their eyes at me for saying such a thing, but sometimes reason brings light to passions that shroud themselves in the mysterious cloak we commonly refer to as 'destiny'.

"Unless you come to believe that there is no better man nor worthier woman on earth you will always still be looking for what you judge the best thing of all- to be the husband of the best of wives and the wife of the best of husbands."

Star of the Morning

2005-08-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

"There was a real railway accident," said Aslan softly. "Your father and mother and all of you are—as you used to call it in the Shadowlands—dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."

-The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis

doll making 101

2005-08-03T23:41:00.000-07:00

An email I sent out recently...
So Friends,
Want to know what I'm up to while I'm unemployed? My sister sent me something very addictive. It's this doll-making site and I spent several hours on it last night, making doll versions of the people I know. http://elouai.com/doll-makers/timeline.php There is a "boy doll maker" and also the "candybar doll maker" which is the girl one. Not enough of these damn dolls have curly hair. How am i supposed to make me?! This is a wicked thing. We should already know that since Sponge Bob is one of their corporate sponsors. Should purple eyes really be an option? Here are the dolls that I came up with. The first one is my friend Laura from high school who is now in Iraq. So if we substitute the bunny purse for a Glock and an M4, we've got it just about right. Then I made a summer version of my Florida sunshine boy and a winter marion, and I felt downright lucky to have found a fedora on there, since it's a Korean website ;o) Then I attempted to make myself. The last one is my sister's version of me, and she thinks it looks more like me. I pounded my fork and grumbled at the lunch table today, "Marj is better at making dolls than me." and my mom said, "Be nice to your baby sister."
What else? Watching reruns of Friends and Little House on the Prarie, eating icecream...reruns and late nights are the culture of the unemployed. I hope you enjoy the doll-making website. Email me your findings.

Peeping Toms

2005-08-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

McMinnville local news. There was a peeping tom next door at the neighbor's house the other night. I was walking over to my mom's other house, where I am staying alone, 7lb. laptop in my arms, and a bag of snack food loaded on top of that. I saw the man walking across the sidewalk and back between our house and theirs. My first instinct told me that he's some kind of pervert, but I had no idea who he was or if he lived there. Whaddaya know, but the neighbor lady comes screaming out the door and the man scampers away like a rabbit. She told me to go run after him. I looked at her, dumb-founded, quite obviously loaded up with things to carry home. Besides, he could have had a weapon. Apparently, he was peeping in her daughter's bedroom window. When I stood there without moving, she called to her son to get the car keys so they could go hunt him down, and then proceeded to yell, "I got your picture!" into the darkness where he disappeared. They eventually called the cops, and I did a telephone interview with them, as I was the only one to have seen him.
cops: "So, what did he look like?"
me: "I didn't get a real good look at him, because it was dark. I know he was wearing a white tank top, and he had a beer belly. I'm pretty sure he wasn't black. It seemed like he wasn't wearing shoes, but then again maybe he was. He ran pretty fast for a fat guy."

No, despite that excellent description, they did not catch the culprit ;o) Afterwards I vowed to hang up curtains over at my place, which is still being remodeled and presently has no curtains whatsoever in any of the rooms.

I drove for the first time in about five months. Wow, I never realized how much I brake with my tiptoes. If I'm going to live in this land, I think I will be needing a vehicle at some point in time. I really enjoyed not having one, but that golden Camelot era of my life may soon be over for good.

Your Bubble Gum Tongue

2005-07-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

Home Again. Mountain Spring Tide is delicious. My clothes have never been happier. My mom let me move into her other house that's being remodeled for her office. It's very quiet and clean over there. What's next? Who knows? For now I'll lay out in the back yard, wear my pink skirt, paint my toenails, and carry on my morning coffee rituals with Starbucks and cups and saucers.I told my mom today that I want to find a church in McMinnville to go to. She said, "Have you thought about Coast Hills?"
me: "What's that? Do they dance around all crazy like there?"
mom: "I don't think so."
me: "But that's the kind I'm looking for."
mom: "Well then, I dont know what to tell you."

hehe. Where's the party? It's so hot here, in the 90's. I love it! Some of my ancestors are island people. I think I could do the island life. Every day is a tank top day, and every night is sultry. Tonight I had salmon and marionberry cobbler for dinner. That reads like Laura Ingalls Wilder's diary. Except maybe she didn't eat salmon. Maybe she ate prarie dog. So how's America these days? Upon returning home I can feel that the spirit of fatherlessness in America is more pervasive than ever, but there is something brewing deep beneath the surface of communities all over this nation. The One who blesses America will no longer tolerate the destruction that is being brought about by an ophan spirit that has settled on the emerging generation. He's not tired, He's not frustrated, He's not weak, and He's not low in supply. He's ready for action.

When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the LORD will take care of me.
A father of the fatherless,
a defender of widows,
Is God in His holy habitation.
God sets the solitary in families;
He brings out those who are bound into prosperity;
Assyria shall not save us,
We will not ride on horses,
Nor will we say anymore to the work of our hands, ‘You are our gods.’
For in You the fatherless finds mercy.
“ I will heal their backsliding,
I will love them freely,
"For My anger has turned away from him."

Pslam 27:10; Psalm 68:5,6; Hosea 14:3,4

Position Filled

2005-07-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

The position has been filled, and they are very happy with the replacement. Thank you to anyone who was interested enough to send your resume. I'll be home in less than a week. I cannot wait to eat American food again! Macarroni and Cheese, steak, burritos, nachos, CEREAL!!!, english muffins, Oregon pinot noir, cheese enchiladas, the list goes on... No more seaweed soup for lunch.
We've been having a tasty time around here though. Almost every night we've gone to a chicken hof for the spiciest of spicy chicken and beer. There's one little hole in the wall place near Bucheon Station that makes the best spicy chicken I've ever had. I will miss the chicken hofs.

Open Position

2005-07-11T21:40:00.000-07:00

Update on the position that is open: The start date would be Aug. 24th. The school has decided that they won't need someone for summer school. Also, if you take this position, you will be signing a 6 month contract that will last through next February. They prefer to have a teacher who is already in Korea with an E-2 visa but there is enough time for someone in your home country to acquire the proper visa the normal way. I can help you with that. If anyone is interested, please email me: misscoffey@gmail.com

Leaving Korea

2005-07-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

It is time for me to leave Korea. My boyfriend has come to take me away and we're leaving in about a week. I'll be going back to Oregon for awhile to stay with my mom. Korea has been an interesting, though exceedingly difficult, time in my life.

If there is anyone reading this blog who is in Korea looking for a job, please let me know. I am supposed to find my replacement by the end of this week. This is a public high school position. During summer school you will only be teaching 12 hours/week, for which you are still paid full salary. So there is lots of time for preparation and they will not require you to be at the school a full 40 hours. During the regular school year you will be teaching a maximum of 24 hours/week Mon-Fri with an occasional saturday morning (once/month) that is paid as overtime. The hours are 8:30-4:30. The school provides you with a laptop, which is helpful for passing some of the free time. Vacation time is 2 weeks in summer and 2 weeks in winter, all paid, but you will also get mid-terms and finals off which all adds up to another month of vacation. The accomodations are fantastic, a brand new furnished officetel with a loft. See photos here. Two other foreigners live on the same floor of my building, and they are very sweet. :o) Salary is always paid on time and directly deposited into your bank account. Leave a comment with your email in it for further details.

As ESL jobs go, this is an excellent one. I'm just moving into a new season of my life and need to go home. Also, I had never tried teaching before and I discovered that I don't enjoy it. After I finish on Friday, I will have five more days for site-seeing and packing. Thursday night is salsa dancing with my boy and Friday is sparring night at tkd. Then the weekend, followed by a brief visit to the pension office on monday. Insadong, palaces in seoul, lots of spicy bbq chicken... not a bad vacation. :o)

Fire Breath

2005-07-03T20:28:00.000-07:00

Lunch was some kind of fish and spicy soup with lots of tofu and cucumbers. yay! When I arrived in the lunchroom, there was nobody there, so I just served myself. I'm pretty used to not ever knowing what's going on. Okay so now I have fire breath. Time to get out the Arm and Hammer gum. My co-workers all keep towels, toothpaste, and toothbrushes here at school. One day, the girl who sits next to me asked, "Sarah, I'm sorry to ask this but where is your toothbrush?" Where do ya think, lady? At home with my pillow! We had a good laugh about that one. Sometimes I feel like we're all the same age, but in reality, all these teachers are over 30 and I'm the youngest one here. They're rarely patronizing or condescending, but from time to time I get the feeling that I am really just the school's foreigner mascot. They know I'm not a real teacher. I've been instructed to play Friends episodes for my classes today and tomorrow, since it's finals week. My purpose for being here is to promote interest in English. They don't care what I teach, so it takes some of the pressure off.
My boyfriend arrives from America on wednesday and then we're going to the east coast of Korea for a little vacation. :o) It's like Christmas in July, and I can hardly sleep.
There's no Americans around here to celebrate with, but Happy Independence Day to all of you!

Return the Princess to the King

2005-07-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

Saturday afternoon at home in the neighborhood. I've been out in Seoul almost every weekend for the past many weeks, so it was time to stay home in preparation of a new season. As many of you know, the Home Plus sells whole roasted chickens. I went out and brought one back to the dollhouse. Because I haven't had one of these in such a long time, I was so excited that I cranked up the Matisyahu and danced around the kitchen. Much like one would imagine a post-battle celebration of barbarians, I brought the whole bird to my mouth and tore it apart with my teeth. Then I devoured the wings and the legs and packed a fat sandwich. This day my enemies see their defeat. :o) And I feast upon Home Plus rotisserie chicken.

Who is Matisyahu? He makes music. The genre is Hasidic Reggae. I love it. Go here to hear/download the remix of his song "Warrior." He's also, in my opinion, a modern day prophet to Israel. And if it matters to you, he's on tour with Trey Anastasio from August 4-11. ;o) Go here: http://www.hasidicreggae.com/ and click at the bottom to enter the site. You may have trouble saving the mp3, so here is an easier link for downloading it: http://www.jdubrecords.org/music/1.%20Matisyahu/1.%20Warrior%20%28laswell%20Dub%29.mp3
Here are the lyrics to one of my favourite songs by him:

You're a warrior fighting for your soul
Taken from the world above and brought down the world below

You're the son of his majesty
Remember how it used to be
In the light of day it's easy to see
Now it's nighttime
You had to leave

Separated from the king
Now the water's rushing and you keep trying to swim against the stream
And it seems, like your not moving the many water's gushing you gasp for air
Almost drowning ears ringing, once upon a time we were singing
One day the trees will stand and clap hands
Stream of thought getting caught in the klipa, this place is just a shell, external
Egos swell, that one'll burn ya, we fell a long way down, that eternal frown'll get you
You look vexed it's the dregs, the yetzer hara's lurking
Trying to make you forget we got a job to do
You're a priest and a prince and you can't be moved

Chorus: You're a warrior, Fighting for your soul
Taken from a world above, and brought down to a world below
Re-united, re-united return the princess to the king,
Re-united, re-united, she's been taken for so long
Re-united, re-united and then she'll be filled with joy
Re-united, re-united like the days of her youth

Descended to the pit
What's this feeling can't get rid of it
Soul sick
Can't seem to shake it
When one retires at night weeping, joy will come in the morning
You made my mountain stand strong

Chorus

Like an ancient memory
Remember how it used to be
Close your eyes and breath in
That's the scent of freedom
Ringing across the sea
Land of milk and honey
One day will wake up from this dream and we'll stop sleeping,
Oh, yo, then we'll see clearly

Since You Don't Live With Me...

2005-06-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

Not enough creativity for a real post. Here's a window into recently:

Last car ride: Taxi home from the train station, last sunday morning
Last kiss: Paris, February 5th, Charles de Gaulle International airport, we were saying goodbye :o(
Last phone call: So-yun-i! One of my students called me to see if she could help me shop for a new mp3 player. What a sweetie!
Last time showered: yesterday evening
Last shoes worn: my black, chunky, four inch heels
Last song played: "Consuming Fire" Hillsong United Live
Last items bought: milk and chocolate/peanut butter rice cakes Tuesday night after tkd
Last annoyance: someone calling me from an office upstairs to ask me a grammar question
Last website visited: Singapore Airlines
Last song you sang: "Your Body Is a Wonderland" by John Mayer

Hapkido Night

2005-06-28T06:26:00.000-07:00

I was sent home sick from work today, because I was extremely nauseated and teary eyed. For some reason I seem to be experiencing constant culture shock, even though I've lived here before. Working in Korea is a whole different ball game. When I arrived at school, the hallway next to my office reeked of poop and sour milk. There was some kind of malfunction in the boys bathroom and water had leaked out everywhere. In the girls' bathroom someone had dumped their unfinished bowl of noodles in the trash. The school is too cheap to use the air-conditioning very much, especially in the mornings. So the smells mixed with the humidity to make a very unpleasant atmosphere. I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and everything became overwhelming. My mind was racing, "What the hell am I doing here? I can't understand a word these people are saying!" Everything sounded like noise! When I expressed my concerns about the condition of the school, my co-workers laughed at me and said that this is the cleanest school in all of Bucheon. Sick! As the morning wore into the afternoon, I felt sicker and sicker and ready to vomit at any moment. The tears would not stop. I sat at my desk for awhile, IMing my boyfriend and sniffling. He was very sweet and patient, but I just really needed to go home. So they sent me. What a pathetic mope I was! This was definitely not one of my finest moments in Korea.

I cleaned my whole apartment- sink, drains, floor, bathroom and everything, and felt instantly better. Then lots of dinner and a nap, a brief chat with my new neighbor from London (who seems very sweet), and then off to TKD. Tonight was Hapkido night, which is basically learning safe methods for falling down. Essentially they tell you to jump up and fall down and don't get hurt, but there are certain ways to do that. How does one fall down gracefully? It spoke to me in my current situation. A very relaxing night on the whole. Before I left, my master said, "Sa-rah, tomorrow, no absent!" I had so planned to skip tomorrow. I don't think it's an option now. Vacation comes soon...

Protector

2005-06-26T06:19:00.000-07:00

It's raining steadily, the first soggy night we've had in a long time. Is this the beginning of monsoon season? I love it. Saturday night was a lot of fun but exhausting once again. I went to Panchos again and met with friends. They are pictured below, all Kiwis and Australians, except me, which was rather unusual. How did we get so many of you in one place? :o) Here in order we have Brad, Rochelle, a kiwi Sarah (not me), James, and Luke. Quite a fun crowd. The second picture is Rochelle, James, and me. We went to Mary Jane's, a cute little bar in Hongdae where they will play your 80's music requests all night, accompanied by free jello shots. We sang and danced and were silly. I had such a good time with them. Man, I love you guys from the giant islands!! Americans tend to be a little paranoid and spoiled from time to time, and I see that coming out in my personality. But when I'm with you water babies of Oceania, there is a relaxed, merry spirit that does my heart good.

So lately I've been hearing a lot of stories about foreign girls being attacked here. One of my friends was nearly raped by a taxi driver a few weekends ago. I don't feel afraid, but it makes me sad to think that those who are supposed to be fathers in the land would seek to harm the young women. What kind of a destructive people are we becoming, where we are blind to the necessity to protect and cherish the weaker ones? What does it mean to be a real man but to protect all that has been given to you and all those with whom you cross paths, not to exploit their weaknesses, nor use strangers for your own selfish desires. When you meet a young woman who is alone and unattached to a man, please see that she is in need of your consideration, at the very least. Do not try to take her home to bed with you just because she seems weak and lonely. Do not use your strength to force your desires on her, but rather win her by your willingness to use that strength on her behalf. We need you. We need your protection. As a woman living alone these many months in a foreign land, I have been mindful more and more of my God, my Keeper and Protector. Without trust in Him, I think I'd be a very fearful person, because I'm really not very strong or quick to run away. Tonight I am meditating on this thought from Psalm 121:

¹ I look up to the mountains--
does my help come from there?

² My help comes from the LORD,
who made the heavens and the earth!

³ He will not let you stumble and fall;
the one who watches over you will not sleep.

⁴ Indeed, he who watches over Israel
never tires and never sleeps.

⁵ The LORD himself watches over you!
The LORD stands beside you as your protective shade.

⁶ The sun will not hurt you by day,
nor the moon at night.

⁷ The LORD keeps you from all evil
and preserves your life.

⁸ The LORD keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever.

"It weaves, it catches, it overnights..."

2005-06-23T07:02:00.000-07:00

Today was a rough day at work, and that's putting it mildly. It seems petty to rehash everything that happened, and I don't wish to complain, since the work load is actually very light. It's the work relations that have been frustrating. Maybe there's too much estrogen floating around the office? This week and next week I am conducting oral exams in my office for each individual student in my conversation classes. That's over 700 students coming in and out of the office. One particular class was never informed about this exam, thanks to my ever forgetful co-teacher. I noticed that there was a whole string of students who were doing poorly. In fact, I failed them one right after another, somewhat heartlessly, I must say, until I discovered that there was some injustice. I asked one of the boys who had lived in New Zealand for awhile if the students knew about this exam, and he said no. So I sent a note back to Jay, saying, "Did you even tell the students that they would have this exam? I'm failing nearly all of them. Do you want me to continue or should we wait until next week when they have a chance to study?" He came to my office all flustered and needed direction. I told him that the answer was simple- tell the students to study and have the exam next week. He suggested all kinds of illogical, inefficient ways to remedy the situation... for example, changing the questions or allowing this to be a practice exam and then have the actual one next week. Waste of time. Plus then they already know all the questions on the exam. Finally, he came to his senses and followed my instructions. That was the smallest problem of the day. The others are not worth mentioning, but I will post this next paragraph for your amusement.

I had to edit the school newspaper, nearly 30 articles of nonsensical, unintelligible sentences strung together haphazardly and riddled with error. Here is one student attempting to write a book report:

he time does not request plentifully to do and are ignorant the love which is pure and farmer and the grumble man with underdeveloped genital organ with spirit of young college lifestyle the once book in thin novel and it weaves it catches it overnights and when it goes it reads and it is a book. Now the personal attention advances frequently and only me this time when it thinks, once will read this book and the farming village which it will carry the hero who enlightens and it tries comparing will be meaning.

I think he used babblefish or some other such program. Korean students are infamous for cheating and plagiarism. They have to have parents come sit in the class room during exams as monitors, because students will try any way to get a good grade that they did not take the time to earn. But man, this editing was brutal. I wanted to pack up my things and leave.

In other news... My apartment is spotless. I stayed home and cleaned for several hours. Do you find that the landscape of your mind is much more peaceful when your surroundings are clean? I think it boosts motivation somehow. Also, I bought a little ipod Shuffle from an Irishman in my neighborhood. I'm not normally a fan of apple products, but this one is treating me alright. Tomorrow is Friday.

Don't eat the plastic.

2005-06-21T06:36:00.000-07:00

Because lunch was weak again today, I went home after school and fried up some hot dogs and then had an egg salad sandwich, followed by oreos and coffee. The hot dogs took forever to cook. When I finally took them off the burner and took a few bites, I discovered that they were individually wrapped in plastic. I am almost ashamed to admit that I ate a couple bites of the plastic wrap, patiently thinking to myself that perhaps Korean hot dogs are different from our own. I mean, a girl's gotta have some level of tolerance for other cultures. I cannot very well expect them to be producing ballpark quality franks just because America does, now can I? Oh, what would me mother say if she could see me in such a state? More than likely: "I'll make you some cheese enchiladas and we'll have root beer floats for dessert. Why don't you go pick out a movie to watch?" I wondered what the bloated popping sound was coming from the frying pan. It must have been the heat wanting out of the plastic. Scientific things never made much sense to me. Why do I continually make these ridiculous food and/or fire related blunders? Have I exalted the name of Taco Bell too high and called down a curse upon my culinary skills?

....*sometime later*... Back from tkd practice. I think I'm skipping tomorrow. Nobody tell! ;o) Sometimes you just need an evening all to yourself.

Some forecasts say it's going to be in the 90's Saturday. yikes! Random Korean phrases float around in my head when I am...oh so sleepy...*yawn* ...like what the elevator lady's voice says when I arrive at the 14th floor of my building and what the subway voice says when you arrive at your destination... and stuff...and, could I get a fluffier pillow, please?...

Mushroom Soup

2005-06-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

Sunday evening and I've eaten 800 cc of mushroom soup. I guess when you want something you want it, especially when you're feeling raw and exhausted. I spent saturday in Seoul with Miss New Zealand and later our new Korean friend Lucy. I had lunch at the Burger King in Itaewon, then went upstairs to the salon for a couple hours, then with Rochelle to Geckos. She had lunch and then we went about looking for travel agents. After that it was time to eat again ;o) Chicken quesadillas at Panchos, as pictured below. They make Midori Margaritas! My sister says that all the pictures I send out make it look like there's nothing to do in Korea but eat and drink. I dare not answer that statement. But let me just say that I miss home and I appreciate the proximity of Mexico to our great land.

After this we took the train to Hongdae to meet up with Lucy. A friend suggested that we try Mary Jane's bar, which we found by accident, though we had directions. (I'm terrible at reading maps and following directions. That's why I need my boyscout. :O) Free beers and jello shots for the ladies. Then we were off to the club for dancing. All in all it was a good time, but I was pretty much molested on the dance floor by a soldier and that was very unpleasant. Some of them are extremely ill-mannered, but I love soldiers in general. They are precious in their own way and are some of the bravest men and women I've ever known. My best friend from high school was a soldier, and I shamelessly promote her blog at every opportunity. ;o) Go ninja girl. Anyway, that guy at the club was just a pervatron. But we had a good time anyway. Some people pulled me up onto the stage to dance with the other crazies. I tried to get down, but they decided that that wasn't really an option. hehe. During the time we were there I was pretty much indefatigable, but suddenly I became bored and thirsty and wanted to leave.

The others came along, including a Korean guy who had made friends with the other two girls. He wanted us to go eat Korean food with him and his friends. There are many Korean foods that I cannot even stand the smell of on a good day, let alone at 3:30 a.m. They were all standing around a bit indecisive and nobody seemed to have a preference, so I said, "No thanks. Since nobody has a strong opinion, I'll let you know what mine is. I don't want to even smell Korean food. I want to go somewhere that we can drink water." So off we went to a coffee shop. I drank a glass of water and promptly fell asleep until the subway started running in the morning. I was awakened by my friends saying, "Time to go, Princess," which apparently is my nickname born out of affection and annoyance mixed in equal parts, I'm sure. Incidently, it's also the actual meaning of my name. Sorry. American girls are spoiled. Hongdae is ugly at 5 a.m., let me tell you - fliers littered everywhere, young people making their way home looking as though a giant rolling pin had sweeped through there and flattened them all. I took the train home and then took a much-needed shower. I may or may not have another. Heck, I'm going to post a picture of my shower, since I talk about it all the time. ;o)

So guys, I'd like to work for the GAP or Starbucks or some yuppie company like that doing PR and/or quality control (in a non-scientific area, of course). Let me know if you hear of any openings. For now, I'll be okay. I dont have to come to school for finals, which start in two weeks. I also don't have to teach class for the next two weeks- just interview students for an oral exam from the comfort of my office chair. Should be relaxing.

Window to the Dollhouse

2005-06-16T17:41:00.000-07:00

Tranquility, luminosity, intuition...such is the terrain of my mind when I'm in the refuge of my shower. If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you will find that I mention my water sanctuary far too often ;o) It easily makes the list of top 10 places for me.

So last night I came home after work, fried a couple eggs, and chit chatted to the boy before running off to tkd practice. Afterwards, late night shopping. I spent way too long at the make-up store, trying on every shade of glittery eye shadow, finally settling on one. I also picked up some Mint foot scrub. Starting taekwondo again has meant the end of pretty feet for awhile.:o( At least on the bottoms. This can be remedied with baby oil, lotions, and foot scrubs. I tried it in the shower last night, and it smells divine!

(Mint foot scrub pictured below along with other necessities for living in this season.)
(also pictured: my "Evening at Home" candle that has three layers: Scented Bath Salts, Warm Hearth, and Clean Linen. This is the culprit candle that caught some things on fire in my apartment a couple nights ago. For some reason I have this intense, involuntary propensity for accidental house fires. Christmas Day last year, my boyfriend's garbage, smoke, flames, yelling... "Woman, what are you trying to do? Burn my place down?" hehe. The matches in the photo are from the Hard Rock Cafe in Fukuoka, which, much to my horror, chills their cabernet sauvignon to near freezing.)

Tonight: Work Dinner Party. Sam-gye-tang!! Oh baby, oh baby... A most irresistable Korean dinner for me. (for those of you not in Korea, it's like small chicken served in a bowl of rice soup with a lingering ginseng flavor, spring onions, and lots of course salt) Saturday in Seoul. The Salon, Shopping, Travel Agents, Dinner and Drinks, maybe Dancing. I want to buy some of those paper lanterns but not for like 40,000 in touristy districts like Insadong. It's possible that I may want to buy 10 of them. Where can I find them? Indulge me, wise ones.

The Phantasmagorical Schoolmarm

2005-06-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

miss coffey teaches better:

1. when she gets enough sleep.

2. when things don't catch fire in her apartment in the middle of the night.

3. when morning classes are cancelled.

4. when lunch is not just vegetables and rice. (do I look like I was born on Planet Vegetable? God made animals for me to eat!)

5. when she is in love.

6. when they don't blare Britney Spears and Creed over the loudspeaker during lunch hour ! Next up... "two trailor park girls go round the outside..."

7. when she remembers to bring breath mints to work.

8. when her boss locates the remote control for her apartment's air-conditioning.

9. when the school finally buys a drip coffee maker.

10. when her co-teacher gets her jokes.

I've had the benefit of two of these things today. Take your best guess. I'm ready for a nap in about three hours.

Papiamento

2005-06-14T03:27:00.000-07:00

I didn't have the best morning. So we're watching the music video in my conversation class today with freshman boys, and after it's over one of them makes a racist comment about white people. My co-teacher pretty much reamed him for it and then we tried to move on, but the vibe was so rotten. I felt about two inches tall. There is so much xenophobia in Korea, and it makes me angry. I felt sick and wanted to leave the room. I mean, granted, let's hope that Avril Lavigne is not exemplary of our people and culture, but in that moment she represented every young north american girl and I felt so closed off to the students. They often treat me like I'm not human in the classroom, just some kind of speakerbox, and I went on later to lecture them about the fact that foreigners are not animals, nor are they aliens, but are actual people, too. That was perhaps the most valuable part of the lesson.

But oh, I wanted to go home. To be at my mom's house, eating mac and cheese, watching some mindless chick flick, blissfully undisturbed in my pajamas. And I want to wear my freakin shoes inside! On a happy note, I met some other foreigners in my officetel. I think it's a British guy and his girlfriend, but I forgot to ask him where's from. (You never know) The other day I thought that I heard people speaking English out in the hallway, but I dismissed it and said to myself, "That's your silly imagination!" They actually live on the 14th floor with me, just 8 doors down. I hope it doesn't put them into a shock when I knock on their door some evening and announce that it's dinnertime.

Have any of you ever been to Curacao? Do the same laws that govern Holland also govern the Netherlands Antilles? Sounds like a nice place to go chill out... Ah, no wait, I just read a bit more on it. ;o) Who knew?

The Culture of the Fatherless

2005-06-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

"Tonight, about 40 percent of American children will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live. Before they reach the age of eighteen, more than half of our nation's children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhood living apart from their fathers. Never before in this country have so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their fathers. Never before have so many children grown up without knowing what it means to have a father."

-David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem

Fatherless in America- so many young ones are, through broken homes, illegitimacy, or whatever reason. One of the videos I chose for my conversation class is "Nobody's Home," by Avril Lavigne. (Please dont shoot me or brand me an Avril fan. I'm really nothing of the kind!) The reason I chose this song is because of its use of the Present Perfect to describe the recent past and also the Present Continuous tense. The words are clear and not too difficult to understand. Also, Korean high school kids think she's some kind of a goddess. They watched in awe and silence, nobody speaking a word during the video. I admit, it was a bit unsettling. When I asked them if they've ever known any kids who tried to run away from home, they said, "Never." So we had a little culture lesson, and we discussed what it means to "run away from home," to "feel lost inside," to "be all over the place," and other various idioms. All the while I'm getting close to tears, coming to the full realization of the damage that single parent families inflict on children. Too many know what it means to come home and find that nobody is there. Mom is working and Dad couldn't couldn't care less about my existence. These kids grow up with this reality imprinted on their hearts and minds: Nobody's home. What is it breeding? For about 30 years we've been unraveling the fabric of family in America, and it has birthed a whole new generation adults who live hand to mouth, an increase in crime and violence, a culture of divorce, and a people who unconsciously feel aimless and lost. The way the feeling of abandonment translates into our culture is destructive to relationships across the board.

If you have a minute, please do read the article that is linked to the above paragraph. One thing that the writer makes clear is that young men are increasingly reluctant to make the investment that is required to be a father. I say that even deeper than that is the lack of courage to commit to the woman he loves and the children they produce together. We now have to coax husbands and fathers through legal means to give some kind of financial support to the women they promised to spend forever with and the children they had through that union or ouside of marriage. We may, by law, require a man to give financial support, but we will never be able to require the physical, emotional, and spiritual support that the abandoned child so desperately needs. A healthy society should be grieved at what this author calls the "deculturization" of paternity. We must do better.

When I was living in Tulsa, I'd be hanging out at my boyfriend's "ghetto" neighborhood apartment and he used to have some of the neighbor kids running in and out of there, playing on his piano, his guitars, pressing their noses to the sliding glass door and calling his name, .."Are you busy?" ....Some of these kids were from the same mom and different dads. To my shame, I remember thinking from time to time, "Why does he bother with these kids touching all of his stuff and running around his apartment?" But I started to understand that these children have no father in their lives, at least not a regular one. No one pays attention to them. There is no man who affirms their existence, plays with them, or tucks them in at night. Why shouldn't they be so eager for anyone willing to pick them up and acknowledge that they are there? We must get past our selfishness to care for the orphan, the stranger, and the widow. These are the marks of a compassionate people.

Lose the Ribbons, Ladies.

2005-06-10T06:19:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of class my Taekwondo master handed me a wrapped present to open. "Sarah, present for you!" It had cute little bows on it and was twisted into a tootsie roll shape. When I felt it, I thought, "Lovely, it must be candles!" I opened it up, and low and behold there in my hands was a jump rope. Not what I expected, but hey, a present's a present, right? While I was opening it, he must have taken the black ribbon out of my hair and hung it on one of the hooks attached to the wall, because I saw it there after he instructed me to start jumping. Now, I always wear that ribbon in my hair to class, but fridays are sparring days. Time to hang up the ribbons. We were to jump rope for 10 minutes straight without stopping, wearing full gear. Then some kicking drills. Then sparring with partners. All the black belts were supposed to sit at the back of the room while the younger kids fought first.

The girls were such whiny little princesses, flinching at anything that came their way, and kicking like it's ballet or something- it was so freakin adorable! (Although I would have had my ass busted if I acted like that in taekwondo class back in the States) But then when you pair one of those girls with a boy her size who is much more aggressive than her female counterparts, she starts to get more intense and you see the untame version come out. I've seen this time and time again. It's interesting to see kids develop in martial arts over several years. It's not until one is about 12 or 13 that you can tell if he has the concentration/drive to be a real player, which none of us at this dojang happen to be. You have to train like five hours a day if you want to be worth a dime. I'm too old for that now. :O)

So there's no other girl black belts at my club and I had to spar with the big boys. Musopda!! But it wasn't so bad, since we were just doing target and speed practice, with less of an emphasis on power. Plus there's always like this unspoken rule when a guy has to spar with a girl: You hurt her- you die. ;o) At the end of class we were all dripping with sweat. I felt like I had turned into a salt water fountain. Our master bought everyone slurpies and wished us a good night. His parting words: You'd better sleep well this weekend...

Umbrella Farming

2005-06-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

It's raining today, and everyone has their umbrellas. This is an absolute necessity, since the pollution is so bad that the rain is known to cause people's hair to fall out. In the back of every classroom there are perhaps a dozen colorful, parked umbrellas, open to dry. I'm slightly sleep-deprived and amused at the thought that we are hosting small clusters of umbrella farms all over the school. Does anyone else find that your mind more naturally begins to personify inanimate objects when you're very tired? When I was a kidand went to the store, in the back of my mind I was mindful to try to touch as many things as I could, thinking that perhaps some of the objects had never been touched by human hands and would somehow feel left out.

So I'm planning my lesson for my freshman conversation class next week, and I need your help! We've been doing a lot of work on the past simple tense with an emphasis on being able to talk about what you did last weekend or what happened to you. Next week I want to use some English music videos that tell a story that may or may not match the lyrics. I just want them to watch and listen and then be able to simply articulate what happened using the past simple or past perfect tense. I think it will be fun for them and help them to lose some of their inhibitions about speaking in front of each other. I've been having them play some acting/trust games to get them to loosen up, and I think that watching music videos will be enjoyable and interactive. Do you have any suggestions for good videos to use for this kind of exercise? Please leave them in the comments section. Also, where is a good place to watch/download them for free? Oh and don't be snobs! It can be cheesy, pop music as long as it's clear and easy to understand. You'd be appalled at how indiscriminate my tastes can be from time to time. ;o) I have conversation classes, listening classes, and some extra classes for the smart kids, so ideally I'd like to get a lot of material together this weekend. I have to write the entire curriculum for all of my classes, since they didn't give me any textbooks, which is a bit of a pain and a lot of work. I feel so sorry for the kids having to be at school until 9 pm every night with virtually no play time, and more than anything I want them to have fun in my class. Any and all suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks, guys.

Ay amor es una tortura perderte

2005-06-09T01:04:00.000-07:00

Due to the enthusiastic bribery of my friends and my undisguised affinity for fruity cocktails, I choose to continue Petite Syrah, despite recent personally cataclysmic revelations leading me to desire a more closed-mouth approach to existence here in Korea. My youngest sister, ever the voice of encouraging, soft sentiments, writes, "Kill yours or don't. It's the internet." Ah, indeed! I am reminded of one of my favourite songs of all time, which also, coincidently, echoes my thoughts on US foreign policy:

(Dre) Don't pull the thang out, unless you plan to bang
(Choir) Bombs Over Baghdad! Yeah!
(Dre) Yeah! Ha ha yeah!
Don't even bang unless you plan to hit something
(Choir) Bombs Over Baghdad! Yeah!

So, we will henceforth hope to affect a stylistic change in the content of this blog, adapting more of an emphasis on merriment and less on the maledictions of my homesick life in Asia. All that said, it still may sound like a girl is writing it, so don't be too disappointed if it still reads the same as before. ;o) It's an ambience thing. I'm working on it. Patience.

Another reason I must continue is because the mundane drudgery of public high school makes me bored at work and necessitates a worthy distraction, i.e. communicating my thoughts to friends and strangers. So yesterday I was bored, and on the way to our next class, I said to my co-teacher,

"Jay, I'm bored. Let's skip school Friday. Take me dancing in Shinchon."
"What? Where?"
"Hongdae. You went to school there, right? You must know all the fun places to go."
"Frankly speaking, Sarah, I don't like to dance."

Once again rejected by my Korean co-teacher. ;o) I'm starting to find it amusing to discover all the ways he can say no to me. I'm really not used to this.

Okay, so there's this Shakira song/video that I like, featuring Alejandro Sanz (And here's where the cheesy latin part of my blood takes over) ...La Tortura ... kitchen scene with the vegetable chopping. Very sexy. Spontaneity, boys. That's the name of the game. Aside from Shakira's ridiculous gyrations and the fact that she's covered in crude oil, I like the story and the lyrics. I am by no means fluent in Spanish, but I know enough to know that this is no love song. It's actually about the pain and torture of losing someone. So he says that his heart is hers, and she says, "Better save it for someone foolish enough to believe you." Whoah!

I don't have to teach class today, by some pleasant forture, so I'm working on pictures from this weekend and drinking Solomon's Seal Tea here in my office. Saturday I went to Insadong and wandered around the shops until I became I became unbearably lonely, seeing the couples walking everywhere together in the early evening and missing my own "solomon" poet man. On my way to the station I met a girl from Slovakia, and we decided to have dinner. She was on vacation from her English teaching job in China. These European women are very independent, I've noticed, especially the northern culture ones- She quite casually mentioned that she wanted to vacation alone and left her Canadian boyfriend in China! She had no place to stay, so I invited her to stay over at my place and we had a good time talking about eastern European drinking parties, boys, mothers, teaching, and Arkansas hick fundamentalists (she had a unique homestay experience to make a long story short ;o) So I met my first Slovak.

The following are pictures from Insadong. I love the paper lantens...

american bathtub

2005-06-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

McDonald's has green tea mcflurries.
I'm sick of this blog, and I'm thinking of quitting.
Homesick. Candles, bath salts, a towel that smells like Tide. Baby oil, lotions, ancient christmas carols in the player. I'm homesick for an American bathtub. Punctuate, punctuate. The end.

let it burn

2005-06-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

I've been having a Performance Assessment Test with my listening class students, using an interview style. When asked what he could do to make his parents want to kill him, one student answered, "If I smoking and drinking beef." I'm quite certain he meant beer, but it was all I could do to keep from laughing. Then I asked them what their personalities are like. One student described himself, and then he said, "And teacher, I think your personality is sensitive and hot-blooded." My, but the young ones can be so intuitive ;o) Another student came in to complain and whine about getting a 19/20 and wanted to know who got perfect scores and why. I do not tolerate that kind of behaviour and told him so. None of this begging, pleading, and arguing. Maybe that's where they see the hot-blooded... ?? Get out of my office if you're going to try to whine yourself into a better score that you didn't earn.

Does anyone remember the song "Nothing At All," by Heart from the 80's? Yes, it just so happens that I've found a new love in Korea that completely subdues and unravels me. Ah, curious ones, I'm sure you're wondering who he is...

I would walk home every evening
Through the pyramids of light
I would feed myself on silence
Wash it down with empty nights

Then your innocent distractions
Hit me so hard
My emotional reaction
Caught me off guard

It was nothing at all
Like anything I had felt before
And it was nothing at all
Like I thought no it's so much more
No one else has ever made
Me feel this way
When I asked you how you did it
You just say
It was nothing at all

Now I walk home every evening
And my feet are quick to move
Cause I know my destination
Is a warm and waiting you
From our first communication
It was clear
Any thought of moderation
Would soon disappear

It happened all at once. The truth is that I've fallen madly in love with green tea ice cream. Just give me a tub of the stuff, preferably Haggen-daas, with a giant spoon, and leave me alone. Have you had it? Ah, again, you've not yet lived...

So yesterday I found a new dojang, and I'm really excited about that! I've been looking for quite some time for the right taekwondo place to train in my neighborhood, so I wouldn't have to travel quite so far as I had been to get to the other place I was working out. I met the master yesterday and he was really sweet and cheerful and wants to train me for my 2nd degree over the next few months, came up with an integrated training plan and everything. So I'll be there every night mon-fri starting tonight. I feel like a little kid in a candy store.. I've been having a really hard time in Korea lately, but I think this is going to be good for my emotions, perhaps to exhaust some of that pent up energy/frustration. Maybe I'll stop waking up at 6:30 and cleaning obsessively. This particular dojang is really friendly, too, mixing kids with adults, reminds me of where I first started in the States and the reason I came to Korea so many years ago. The kids are really playful, and even though their technique can be really sloppy, they are so adorable and full of energy! Seeing little kids kicking and yelling is about the only thing right now that makes me want to think about making babies ;o) There's just a good vibe there from what I can tell. One thing that I've found about Taekwondo in Korea is that most of the masters are really relaxed, like to play soccer, and don't think that they're too cool for school. I think it's just a healthy atmosphere that happens as a result of making a career out of teaching exercise. There is something to be said about a man who makes it his business to know how to use his body. He becomes more balanced in his character. Here I noticed that when the kids do well or are trying really hard, he always says, "Yes, I like, I like.." (in korean) That's another thing. Nobody speaks English at this dojang, so it will be good for stretching my language skills as well as burning my muscles and wearing me out every night before bed. I like. :o)

Butterflies

2005-05-31T06:35:00.000-07:00

Brahms Requiem, a glass of wine, the windows wide open, what a lovely evening. Contacts out, chunky nerd glasses on. I had a boyfriend last year who hated my black-rimmed glasses. Now I wear them whenever I please, which usually ends up being after a long day at work. Tomorrow is June, which begins summer on my calendar. On this last day of spring I am reflecting upon the past three months that I have been living in Korea. Let's see... what can we surmise so far?... I have a great job, but I do not enjoy teaching. And while most of the time I've felt far too fragile, I must be getting stronger. In the first month I found myself reaching instinctively for a cell phone that wasn't there, reaching for arms too far away and too occupied to hold me, reaching for any sort of distraction from my new life here. I wanted to disappear. In emails and phone calls from friends I tried to hide the fact that what I was really saying was, "Please find five minutes for me. I'm here on the other side of the world, and I feel so small." You'd think it was the first time I'd been away from home... Maybe it's the first time I've been away with a heart no longer able to be stonelike. I don't have any use for masks anymore. Pretty soon everyone figures out that they're just paper faces anyway.

So I get this email from American Express with a title in huge bold letters: Share the Love. "Adding someone to your American Express Account can do wonders for Any Relationship." Wow, I had no idea. ;o) Has this romantic spring burst even fiscal love into bloom? Could it be? Can we buy relational wonders now? I know the dollar is getting stronger, but surely, it can't be that strong. Alert all the American girls you know: American Express now buys dates with John Mayer. I wonder what the interest rate on that one would be? :o) My time in Korea has bought me one indispensible relational secret- the pain and power of resolve. Being far away from all that is familiar, you have ample opportunity to see how myopically you've been living. You're finally able to say those things that you weren't strong enough to say before, things like: Please dont kiss me like that unless you intend to keep me. or I don't want to play anymore. or I'm no longer afraid of being with someone else. or You may not recognize me when I come back.

A conversation between me and my co-teacher today:

"Jay, where are the butterflies?"
"The what?"
"The butterflies. Do you have butterflies in Korea?"
"Yes, of course."
"Where are they?"
"It's not easy to find those things."

He's right. If he spoke better English, we would have had a very metaphorical discussion following that observation, but he continued to moniter the students' homework while I stared out the window.

Take all your big plans
and break 'em
This is bound to be awhile...

Way Right, baby...

2005-05-30T06:22:00.000-07:00

Good Evening, dear friends. I've just been informed earlier today that I will be having a five day weekend coming up starting Thursday. My students are away on a trip to Jeju-do and I am not expected to come to school while they're gone. Plus the national holiday on monday- together that makes five days. I've started the fun early, thanks to politicalcompass.org
This is an entertaining survey. I'd like to add a few of my favourites: Alan Greenspan, Ayn Rand, and Jonah Goldberg, but I'm afraid it's nearly bedtime. So here ya go:

valpolicella

2005-05-29T02:01:00.000-07:00

Saturday afternoon- I had been up for ages. At 5:15 my body wanted to hop out of bed and start the day, but I made myself go back to sleep until 6:30. After a shower, a large cup of coffee and several hours of laying around the house, I ventured out to find a quiet little coffee shop where I could spend some time writing. No such luck. Korean coffee shops don't tend to be open early in the morning, for some odd reason. It defeats the purpose of espresso, if you ask me. I settled for one of those little places where you can get fruit and ice deserts, because they had large comforbable chairs. I ordered a cappucino and something that I wasn't quite sure what it was. It turned out to be a glorified bowl of Fruit Loops! I was far too amused to roll my eyes, and there seemed to be a lot of fruit in the bowl. I wasn't complaining. For quite some time I was the only person in there, surrounded by the most ostentatious, overtly splashy decorations you can imagine with saccharine Korean pop music floating through the air. I felt like a doll in some kind of satirized, Asian dollhouse, on the other side of the world, far away from home. Still, the place was all mine for a good half an hour. Then a group of ten year olds came in, followed by a herd of loud, chatty women. When I heard, "Ooh, look, foreigner," accompanied by pointing and staring, that was my cue for the sunglasses to go down and me to get up and take my leave.

I headed over to the grocery store and was delighted to find the stemware that I had been looking for. So I picked up some wine- a 2002 valpolicella, a variety which bears good memories for me. Some people would rather drink mud mixed with grape juice. Robert Parker goes so far as to call it "insipid industrial garbage." I'm not quite that picky, so I think it should do nicely. Saturday afternoon I met Rochelle in Hongdae and we shopped at the outdoor art market, where I bought earrings. :o) Ah, what makes a girl happy on the weekend? Protein, wine, and shopping. This should be a proverb. Later on we met up with another American girl named Sarah and had shabu shabu at a restaurant near my apartment, then to TGIFridays for a drink. Gramma was sleepy and wanted to go home afterwards, and yes, I'm referring to myself, so I called it a night.

I'm spending sunday afternoon sitting around the house, eating soup, sandwiches, oreos... every time I eat oreos I try to take a bite without causing the cookie to fracture into several pieces. I don't know why I'm mindful of things like that. I guess it's the way our brains our wired? All day I am keenly aware of the fleeting nature of this life. Few things will remain. Time falls involuntarily forward, and we all go with it. As everything that surrounds me is fading away, I seek feverishly to surround myself with the glory of the eternal, with the King of the Ages, to be lost in the beauty of Jesus, who holds all things together- this world, the fabric of finitude, the orchestra of the stars vibrating in space to the sound of His voice, the most intimate thoughts of my heart, and the hope my perfection. I didn't know how difficult it would be to be living and working here in Korea. I wasn't aware of how homesick I would be. I'm starting to realize that it's for more than my home in America but for the home of my spirit...

When you go out looking for your old adversaries
you won't find them--
Not a trace of your old enemies,
not even a memory.That's right.
Because I, your GOD,
have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go.
I'm telling you, "Don't panic.
I'm right here to help you.'

(Isaiah 41:12,13 The Message Bible)

Labor and Delivery

2005-05-26T03:44:00.000-07:00

My freshman conversation lesson this week is on ordering a pizza for delivery. I teach it 16 times, so after awhile it becomes dull and I like to add little interesting sidenotes. "By the way, class, did you know that in America many people sell drugs out of their pizza delivery cars? Yes, it's true." One of the boys says to me, "Oh, teacher, really? Mary-Juana?" Yes, yes. And he continues, "Very delicious?" Ah, yes. "Teacher, have you ever smoked marijuana?" What am I to say? If they spoke English, I would reply, "I doubt that the present administration of Kyunggi-do education would look too favorably upon my answer, and I am therefore not at liberty to divulge that information to you." So, smirking and blushing, I replied, "It's a secret," and moved on to the next conversation drill.

Since I was not given a text book for any of my classes, I am required to create the entire curriculum from scratch. Most of that I did at the beginning of the semester, but as the students progress, I am forced to re-design some of the lessons I had planned. I worked quite zealously today at solidifying all of the lessons for the next two weeks so that I will have nothing pressing to do with my free time. The students are going to Jeju-do next week and then there's the holiday the week after and some extra exams that take all day, so all in all I will be working a total of six days in the next two weeks. I know, I must sound like the biggest whiner judging from some of my more recent posts. *sigh* Let's just chalk that up to the seemingly never-ending PMS. In order to pass the time of June more quickly into the summer holidays, I am considering hosting a candlelit wine-tasting party, by no means tame, in my apartment. I don't live in a shoe box, so no cause for alarm. Suggestions are welcome.

arcana imperii

2005-05-24T03:02:00.000-07:00

I brought my own coffee to work, because what they call coffee here is mostly sugar mixed with a couple of instant granules. When I arrived in Korea, I bought a coffee maker. The first time I used it, to my dismay and confusion, it leaked all over, thanks to Korean craftsmanship. I took the thing apart and now use the strainer and filters to make my coffee cup by cup. Brewing and drinking coffee must be a traditional American ritual, calming the soul and loosing the muse to whirl and dance and make lively in the mind. I'm holding it in my hands like this very cup is tantamount to survival. What else? Bubble baths... have you ever had cognac and candles while in the bath? My word, you've not yet lived... ;o)

It's been a rough week. And it's only Tuesday! Something's trying to crash the party of my destiny. So I pray, Tuck me away somewhere, far away, inside Your closest pocket. Hide me, shield me, and send Your hosts of armies to fight for me. Yesterday I had major problems at school and wanted to give my notice immediately. I cried for two hours before going to bed unreasonably early. Every day battling the oppressive spirit conformity is starting to wear on me. I thought that because I enjoy public speaking I would also enjoy teaching. It isn't so. I enjoy life in Asia, but I'm not a teacher. Public schools here seem to systematically stamp out any spark of creativity or independent thinking. It grieves me to arrive at school every morning to see lines of uniformed students being inspected by a head teacher for any small difference in their physical appearance. They'll be there from 8 until 10 PM with no time to play, all youthful imaginations being crushed in the wake of a clumsy, mindless authority structure. It's soul-numbing and passionately defended by those who have never been taught to think for themselves. I don't know that I'm cut out for this...

Now... much later. I'm drowning my PMS-induced irritability in Straberry "Berry Very Good" Ice Cream from the Home Plus. I think I could eat this whole carton. No self-control when it comes to ice cream. I want to work for Starbucks quality assurance department, traveling and tasting the coffee of the nations. If anyone knows of such a job, please let me know. Until then, I remain Asia's capricious schoolmarm.

Dustbuster Weekend

2005-05-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

Sunday evening and I'm waiting for my nails to dry before I head up to bed. We had a little Dave's ESL teachers gathering on Friday night, and here are pictures. I promised I'd post some. The first one is Dan hugging me and Rochelle. He likes to get pictures of himself hugging people. hehe :O) He was on his way back to America and was stopping through Seoul. A very sweet, quirky guy with an unusual sense of humor but very genuine. He ate the leftovers off of my plate. I had a dear friend in college who would eat off of people's plates, and for some reason I find it so endearing. It's interesting, you'd think you would meet a lot of foreigners like that here in Korea who are confident and unafraid to just relax and be themselves, but that's not usually the case. It makes me a little sad, because far too often the ones I meet are full of insecurity and issues, and I just wish I could gather them up and feed them tuna melts at my place and make them feel safe in the world. I know that's ridiculous. But anyway, friday was refreshingly different and there were some really kind, interesting teachers there. The second picture is of all of us at the table.

So thanks guys for a great time. :o) You're all very sweet. In other news, I bought a used dustbuster this weekend! I was so excited, because Korea is so dirty and I find myself wanting to clean my place every ten minutes. Saturday I met Rochelle in Kagnam and we took the dustbuster with us to eat mushroom/proscitto pizza, then to Bupyeong to have white chocolate mochas at Starbucks. We went shopping at one of the ubiquitous make-up stores in the area and bought several items. When we left the store we were so conscious of how much we were beaming and how buying that stuff can really lift your spirits. It's not easy to be two little ladies in a foreign country. I know that my God protects me, but sometimes I feel so vulnerable here. Doing things that we would do back home is really good for the soul. Next weekend I kind of want to stay in the neighborhood, sleep in, buy a whole chicken and have wine and soup and croissants. Is it possible to know what mood you're going to be in next weekend?... We'll see. :O)

Unexpected Public School Vacations

2005-05-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

My lesson this week for conversation class is called: "Come to My Party!" I wisely chose to omit the statement that would naturally follow up if it were my party... "There will be jello shots!" We talked about different kinds of parties and what happens at them...slumber parties, New Year's Eve parties (they all hooted and howled when they heard that we kiss at midnight :o), frat parties, bachelor parties, and bridal showers. My classes are mostly boys and girls separated. Imagine explaining a bridal shower to Asian high school boys. I asked if they knew what it was, and one of them said, "A party where all the women take a shower together?" HAHAH. Don't you wish, you naughty kids. Later on I gave a listening/speaking performance assessment test using an interview style. Two students came at a time to my office. They were so sweet and a little nervous. I was suprised and pleased with their candor. I asked, "What is your personality like?" One girl answered, "I'm very outgoing and narrow-minded." Another, when asked what thing she would like to try for the first time, answered, "I want to try a diet, because I'm fat." So the students have been a delight this week. One boy comes to my office every day and performs a little magic show for me with cards and rings and clown noses.

Good news today! I found out that June 2nd-4th the students are going to Jeju-do for a field trip, and there will be no classes. I will probably have show up at school anyway, but I won't be teaching any classes. Today there are no classes all day because of an exam that they are taking. The same thing is scheduled for June 8th. Last week I arrived at school on wednesday to witness perhaps one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen...There was opera music blaring across the courtyard, the Marriage of Figaro, if I'm not mistaken. The students seemed to be marching into the school, or maybe it was just the music that made it appear that way. A large mobile home was pulled up right next to the school doors. It said: Korea Catholic University Holy Family Hospital. When I sat down in my office, the teacher next to me informed me that there would be no morning classes. The students were being given their physical exams that day. Public School is so great like that... so many unexpected days off. What a pleasant start to the weekend...

Conquering Kisses

2005-05-17T03:02:00.000-07:00

Spring is here, ladies and gentleman! Wander about outside for ten minutes and you'll see... fresh-faced couples holding hands, trees bursting into showtime, people bustling freely in the evening hours instead of scurrying home in the cold, ...lovers everywhere, conquering each other's hearts with sweet kisses... *sigh* I bless that. My dear friends, this spring let us not begrudge tenderness, nor let us adopt the cynicism of a long-jaded world. Glance quickly away and blush, if you must, but keep that scowl from your face. :o)

In the words of our dear Dave Matthews:

Spring sweet rhythm dance in my head
Slip into my lover's hands
Kiss me oh won't you kiss me now
And sleep I would inside your mouth

Don't be us too shy
Knowing it's no big surprise
That I will wait for you

I will wait for no one but you

"Where one drop of blood drains a castle of life, so one kiss can bring it alive again." -Sleeping Beauty

Friends, Neighbors, and Lovers

2005-05-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

Have you tried the new "European" Pringles? Oh baby, you've got to try them. They are Fresh Tomato and Garlic flavour, and they're not joking about the fresh tomato! I sampled some this weekend while shopping at the Home Plus (basically the Korean version of SuperWalmart, but a bit nicer). I also bought a whole chicken and picked its bones tonight to make chicken and croissant sandwiches while singing old Heart songs at the top of my lungs. The neighbors must think there's some kind of looney in their building. :o)

It's now sunday night and I'm feeling well after a quiet weekend in the neighborhood. Friday night I met another English teacher who lives in my neighborhood and he and Rochelle and I had dinner at TGIFridays. Afterwards we relocated to the Goose bar, which is a short taxi ride from my place. There we met with a couple of my dear korean co-workers pictured below. Erin, me, Mae, and Rochelle.

This evening I sit quietly, desperately cultivating a much-needed spirit of patience. The remnants of spring are being woven into a summer that I will never forget. I'm contemplating the nature of true love. It's expensive. What is great love? Since I was a child, I was taught that Greater love has no one that this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. Tonight as I stare out the window into the pollution-filled skies of the greater Seoul area, knees drawn up to my chest, I am far away, being further and further grounded in the knowledge that I am my beloved's, And his desire is toward me. [song of solomon 7:10] What painful destruction I deserve for the uncontrollably deep darkness of my soul without Him. Who am I that He should know my name? But I hope in this great love and in it I know my freedom.

Enemies of God with no excuse
Knowing what was right we turned from You
Given up to sin, condemned to die
Even then You chose to give us life

Jesus thank You for the Cross
For the blood that sets us free
The crimson stain of all our sin
Washed away in Your mercy

Everyone of us deserves to die
But You save all who hope
In Your great love
(vineyard - "thank you for the cross")

Free the Grapes

2005-05-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

Good news, my friends! Texas becomes the 27th state to allow interstate, direct to consumer shipments of wine. There are 24 states that still prohibit consumers from purchasing wines directly from out-of-state wineries. This is something I feel very strongly about and have been inconvenienced by these undue restrictions in the past. Last year I joined an organization called Free the Grapes, because I was living in Oklahoma and was directly affected by the prohibitions. I contacted my legislators urging them to oppose prohibitions on interstate, wine direct shipments and to support positive legislation that serves consumers and their state governments and regulatory agencies. They wrote me back, quite promptly, and agreed, although they got my name wrong in the letter. ;o) That's okay, as long as they are aware of what needs to be done.

Here's a quote from their recent newsletter: “We should all toast the Texas legislature, who stood up in support of consumer choice in wine,” said Jeremy Benson, executive director of Free the Grapes!, the consumer and winery grassroots coalition (www.freethegrapes.org). “The bill opens Texas, the fourth largest state for wine enjoyment, to direct shipments and strongly supports Texas’ family wine farms,” he added.

So now the whole state of Texas is wet for shipments! My dear friends in Oklahoma and other dry states, you can help by joining Free the Grapes.

We're Being Watched

2005-05-12T06:42:00.000-07:00

Thursday evening after a long and stressful day. The principal, vice principal, some supervisors, and the first and second year English teachers came to watch my conversation class today. Jay, my korean co-teacher, was a bit nervous. I felt nothing of the kind, as I rather enjoy public speaking and was very much in my element. Having an audience took the drudgery of the mundane out of the task of teaching, and I welcomed the opportunity. However, later in the afternoon our roles were reversed when we had to attend a meeting about our teaching skills and the lesson plan. We all sat in the conference room, and it started to feel so very formal. Everyone was dressed up and they all took seats far away from me, which made me feel like I was on display at the circus. When Jay walked in the room, I patted the seat next to me and said, "Hey, sit by me. I'm scared." He laughed and everyone else had a good chuckle. I wasn't kidding. These past couple of weeks I've been under the gun in several areas of my life. Having everyone gathered around to assess me was slightly unpleasant. The vice principal began a long speech, which no one bothered to translate for me. People nodded solemnly, and looked very respectful. I looked at Jay to see if maybe he would whisper a translation of what was being said, and he glanced at me as if to say, "Not now." *sigh* Patience....

After the vice principal left, everyone gave their own critique. Most of them said that they were, "satisfied with my class" and that the students seemed to be happy. Then they offerred their suggestions, all of of which were valid. Someone asked me if I have all the objectives mapped out and if I've used those lessons successfully before in my teaching. I was as honest as I could be. "I've never taught any of these lessons before, never had any teaching experience, and have no map of my objectives." So that was the main thing that they want- an articulation of my objectives. No prob. I just didn't know they needed one ;o) Jay is a real teacher, and a damn good one at that. I'm spoiled rotten to have him as a co-teacher, because he's the best Korean man I've ever met. (and that's really saying something, as I'm not a big fan) He quiets the students and tells them to listen to me when they're getting out of line. He lectures them when they need it. We're so completely opposite. He never eats breakfast. I eat it religiously. He loves karaoke. I hate it. He's tranquil and patient. I'm not. But I'm working on it! One day the students were so incredibly lazy, and I was getting exceedingly frustrated. When the bell rang, I was out of there in a flash. He came to my office and asked, "Is there a problem?" I went off about how the students don't want to learn and how I didn't come from the other side of the world to be a freakin babysitter, and on and on, most ungraciously, I'm embarrassed to admit. After I had said everything and too much, he was silent for a few moments pondering what had happened. Then he spoke one sentence: "Sarah, you have to mold them." That's all he needed to say. All the frustration melted out of me and was replaced with regret for having been such a lame-o, so immature. This guy knows what he's doing with young minds and he puts up with all the trouble of having an impatient, inexperienced, American girl around, not only at work but also living in his building. "Jay, my coffee maker won't work. Can you come over and see what's wrong with it? I can't read the instructions." On our way back from the immigration office, "Um, can you pull over? I need to eat right now." :O) God bless him, for reals.

Finally, tomorrow is Friday. Welcome, dear weekend. Stay as long as you please. :o)

In Coffee City

2005-05-09T16:53:00.000-07:00

Everyone's changing
I stay the same
I’m a solo cello
Outside a chorus
I’ve got a secret
It’s time for me to tell it
You’ve been keeping me warm

To sweet beginnings
And bitter endings
In coffee city
We borrowed heaven
Don’t give it back
I’ve never felt so wanted
Are you taking me home?

You tell me you have to go

In the heat of the summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I'll kiss you
And nobody needs to know

Why do I love the Corrs? I'll tell you. :o) They're an adorable group of siblings who make all of their own music, and they have that Irish band spirit about them.... I've only ever seen them perform on DVD, but the look in each one of their eyes is as if they are saying, My body was made to do this. This feeling I've only ever experienced twice: in Taekwondo sparring and in the summer of 2003. Someday I want to see them perform live in Dublin. Wanna see the video? click here, buddy

Today's Schedule: Morning classes only. Free afternoon. Tomorrow: Afternoon classes only, free morning. Public School rocks.

Cult Cinema in Shinchon

2005-05-08T21:40:00.000-07:00

After making quite a late night of Saturday, Sunday in Shinchon was very mellow- the same kind of mellow that you get after an entire day of crying, almost anesthetized, knowing that imminent exhaustion is at hand. How else to spend one's youth? :o) I woke up around 11:30 or so to find Rochelle already awake reading the newspaper. Crazy kiwis ;o) We took off to meet they guys had korean food at a place that provided us with red bibs. After parting ways with the boys, we wandered around Shinchon aimlessly until we decided that we should just go to a DVD room and watch a movie. These rooms are actually designed for couples to come and watch a DVD on a moderately sized screen in a private room that has bed slightly angled up so that you can almost sit up and watch the movie. ;o) Perfect for a sleepy sunday afternoon. Rochelle chose Point Break, insisted that it was a classic and that everyone must see it. I couldn't disagree and wasn't feeling particular. I laughed so hard! But it's really not meant to be a comedy. Point Break, 1991, Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze- a wildly cheesy movie about a group of surfers who are also seasonal bank robbers. One of the main characters is called Bodhi, the Bodhisattva. Bodhisattva is a term in the Buddhist religion meaning an enlightened being who, out of compassion, forgoes nirvana in order to save others. Bodhi means "wakefulness." It also means a very young, rugged Patrick Swayze pretending to be a guru of spiritual surfing. :o) hehehe. If you haven't seen it, just imagine Keanu Reeves saying, "Dude, I'm with the FBI," and you've pretty much got the gist of it. Apparently, this movie has quite the little cult following, at least in New Zealand anyway ;o) I have to say that it was very entertaining, and Keanu Reeves does end up saving his girl's life in the end... I love that kind of hero story, even if it cheeze ball central.

Cult cinema is an interesting thing to study. Blockbuster should have a section just for that. Last year my boyfriend at the time introduced me to the Evil Dead movies...I'm not a fan, but there's some funny stuff there :o) Watching Point Break far away from home in Asia made me a little homesick. I'd give just about anything to be able to run in to Blockbuster, pick up a handful of these movies.... maybe Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Big Lebowski, Office Space, and Strange Brew... with a large bottle of yellow tail shiraz, a 7-layer burrito (no rice), a large quilt, and a cuddle buddy.

What are your favourites? My sister likes Donnie Darko. If anyone says Labyrinth, I'm afraid we can't be friends anymore ;o) And no, Fight Club doesn't count.

umbrella sharing

2005-05-05T06:22:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I went to visit some friends in Ansan, about an hour and a half away by subway. On my way home the skies turned unfriendly and it began to rain quite heavily, which was somehow a welcome conclusion to a week that has left my heart heavy and tired. After getting off the subway I have to catch a taxi to my house. I made my way to the long queue and stood listless under the sky without an umbrella. Do you ever feel that your heart has been unwillingly cracked open by the circumstances of a careless world? In such times you are far more open and exposed than you would like to be but have nowhere to run. That was me tonight. I felt like a doll left out in the rain. Then, to my utter surprise, someone put an umbrella over my head. I looked up to see a young couple, the man reaching out his umbrella to cover me, too. At first his girlfriend put on a pouty face and looked as though she might become angry. Korean girls are often sensitive to their boyfriends giving their attention to anyone else and are very suspicious of flirting. I said thank you. The boyfriend responded so patiently to her, though. He quietly said the Korean equivalent of, "Hey, come here," and put his arm around her. Instead of being annoyed at her reaction, he was reassuring. So kind, so gentle. Why should they care about some foreign girl getting soaking wet? I didn't even desire to be umbrellaed. That's one sweet thing about Koreans- they look out for each other. Then to witness their precious interchange... a huge sigh escaped my soul. Small acts of kindness like that can completely undo you when you're already being unravled on the inside. When they got into their taxi and pulled away, I started to cry, knowing that the rain would disguise my tears and hide me. Someone put an umbrella over me, and I could feel my God covering me and whispering....Hey, come here...

Daegu Interlude

2005-05-02T19:19:00.000-07:00

I'm back from Daegu, a city about four hours south of Seoul. I have to come in to work today to teach a class for the first year English teachers. Everyone keeps saying, "You look so happy!." or "You look so good!" and "How was your vacation?" Well, dang, I guess it was a better vacation than I thought! The shopping in Daegu was unexpectedly pleasant. I know you must think it very shallow, but as long as the shopping is good, I can be quite content. I went with my kiwi pal, Rochelle, and she said that now she knows if I'm ever glum, all you have to do is take me shopping for an hour and give me a piece of meat and I'll brighten up in no time. I cannot get enough protein here!

We took the bullet train, which is supposed to be super fast. Rochelle thought she was going to be sick, but the whole time I felt like we were crawling along. "It must be able to go faster than this! I want my money back." ;o) The train stewardess came by and kept repeating, "Volume down, please, volume down." Apparently, many drunk Korean men were trying to sleep on that train, and we were too noisy. When we arrived, it was after midnight. We checked into a what is known as a love motel, where one goes for an evening of passion, I suppose. There's a basket of condoms right there at the reception desk for the customer's convenience. What a zany place! Our bed was round-shaped with a red light above it and the shower was a two-seater. hehehe :o) The next morning we took a bus up to the mountains and walked around the parks and temples. Here are some pictures from that visit.

Saturday night we went out with some other English teachers from Daegu, one of whom Rochelle had met in Japan (also a kiwi), two Scottish guys, and some American girls from the west coast. At one restaurant we had the most sensational Thai chicken and cucumber soju. We moved around to different places and met a number of interesting characters. The highlight of my evening was dancing at Daegu's little Latin club. None of us knew how to dance like that, but we all tried. (I want to learn! Where's my salsa partner when I need him?!? :o) Unfortunately, we may have killed the atmosphere of that place, because there were some very good dancers there and here we are, a bunch of clumsy westerners... still, it was a lot of fun. Sunday we went wake boarding on a nearby lake for the afternoon. When we finally arrived back at the train station, the KTX bullet train was sold out. We had to get tickets for the slow train, and there were no seats left. Four hours of sitting on the floor next to the bathrooms was completely exhausting, and I found myself daydreaming about my shower. Rochelle jumped off the train somewhere near her apartment, and I rode it a bit further to catch the subway back to my place. Merlin was so starved for attention when I arrived home. He loves to jump up on your lap and throw his cat arms around your neck... I've never known a cat to hug like a human before! I slept for 10 hours after my shower, and I'm glad to be back home to the city. Daegu was a little bit country compared to Seoul and very, very humid. However, it was nice to breathe clean air up in the mountains. The rest of this week should be a breeze... no school until Friday. woo!

Cathartic Wednesday

2005-04-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

Wednesday evening. My co-workers are so patient. God bless them. Seriously, I had it out with them today. We talked about all the miscommunications, the times when they make me feel like an animal in a cage, situations and meetings for which I cannot find a reason- all hatched in the eastern mind and completely unfathomable to me, how the previous foreign teacher and I are so very different, and how I seem to be discovering that ESL teaching is really not my thing. It was such a healthy discussion. I apologized for how immature I can be from time to time. I'm still learning to leave personal problems at home and not let them leak into my attitude at work. I'm far too emotional, and I think that my students and co-teachers notice that. At least they know that I know that it's a problem and that I'm working on it. We are all now a little more well-known to each other and a little less like characters from a never-ending story book about public high school in Asia.

Came home, had a beer, a grilled cheese sandwich, some oreos, and then hopped in the shower. I love my daily shower(s)! The activity of showering somehow embodies renewal, transfusion, regeneration, and redemption all in one. Shortly thereafter I spoke with my oldest and dearest friend on the phone, ate an orange, emailed another foreign teacher about an agreement to rent/share my apartment on the weekends, and now I'm going to bed early. This week I've taken a liking to sleeping early and then getting up while it's dark to have coffee in the stillness of the morning. It helps to focus and internalize the fact that: I am not what I do. I am who I am and what I do is a reflection of that.

He's too stoned...Nintendo.

2005-04-24T17:26:00.000-07:00

Because I was awake extremely late last night with a bout of insomnia, I came to school this morning as perhaps a bit of an american twit, wearing bubble gum pink pants, a jean jacket, and gum to hide the coffee breath. I've been told numerous times by my english speaking Korean friends that I will never understand the Korean mind. I gave up trying to be one of them seven years ago. Everyone stares at me anyway, so I might as well dance around at the crosswalk on my way to school and give them a real reason to be looking. At 8:10 I have a class for the smart kids who want to study english three times a week far too early in the morning. To be clear, it's not of their own volition but rather by request of the program director. Put this native speaker to work! ;o) They encourage me to do creative culture lessons, so this morning I gave them a real winner. American Hi-Fi sings a song called "Flavor of the Week." I assume we're all familar with the lyrics....
"Her boyfriend, he dont know anything about her. He's too stoned. Nintendo. I wish that I could make her see. She's just the flavor of the week." and on it goes. The lyrics are fairly clear, easy to understand, and replete with references to American culture.

Because of the lack of availability of weed in Korea, the students were unfamiliar with its effects. I briefed them on exactly what the American government thinks of marijuana and what high school students do anyway- where, when and how. :o) I actually had to draw the leaf on the board, because they didn't know what I was referring to. Good times in the classroom today. Mondays are always my best days, because I've had the weekend to rest. Seoul is the third largest metropolitan area in the world, following Tokyo and New York, and living in Asia can be extremely stressful for a westerner. Weekends are a necessity. My kiwi friend came over for dinner and spent the night saturday. Then it was cocktails at noon on Sunday followed by an afternoon of shopping. Later I visited the only english-speaking church in my area and it was a bit too tame and proper for my taste- made me feel like going home to play untame music and paint my toenails.

No school for me friday because of midterms. Woo! Another short week.

I don't want to wear slippers!

2005-04-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

Friday finally. Because I am the only foreigner in my school, and because I try not to go out much on the weeknights, it usually happens that I am with only Koreans all week long. When friday rolls around, I start to feel noticeably edgy and worn out from all the cultural differences. This friday it doesn't help that I'm also PMSing and feel quite dangerously on the edge of anger and/or tears every 15 minutes. During such times it is really better that I stay home alone, which is yet another reason why I am hoping to work from home someday in the near future. A self-employed woman is never her co-worker's worst nightmare. Hasten the day!

I'm supposed to wear slippers at school, but sometimes I don't because I forget to change my shoes or the slippers just don't work well with the rest of what I'm wearing or I just don't feel like it. Today my co-teacher says to me, "Don't you have other shoes you can wear at school." I reply, "Why, yes, I do." He says, "Why don't you wear them?" I say, "Because my pants are too long and I need to wear tall shoes today." He says, "You should have shoes that you wear only inside the school." I asked him why, and he told me that it's because we are trying to keep the floor clean. Already feeling quite edgy, I said, "The floor is filthy, and no one cleans it. The entire school is filthy. Every day I go home and hop in the shower because of all the dirt. Why should I have to wear slippers inside when it's already trashed?" He replies, "Because you must wear different shoes inside." This just doesn't make any sense. Maybe it makes sense to the eastern mind, but I don't know how. It seems to me that they don't care about the reason, just as long as well all do the same thing. Same. Same. Same. Someone rescue me! I need to go home and go to bed. ... by way of the Pacific ocean.

Let me mention one cheerful thing, so no one freaks out and thinks that I'm only critical ;o) I don't have to go to school for the better part of the first week in May. The students are having midterms, and I'm not involved in their grading or their paperwork. To tell you the truth, I think I'm kind of here for show, mainly to promote interest in English. The other teachers discourage me from giving homework or making the students work too hard. The reason is because they students never do the homework, and then it makes them look bad. Everyone here is all about trying to protect each other from looking bad. They filmed a short video with me in it, talking to a group of students gathered around me. They kept nodding their heads, pretending to understand. Then they told me to put on my best teacher face and they shot a bunch of pictures. Sometimes I feel like an animal in a cage. From time to time people will come into my office and just stare at me and point and laugh. Man, if they didn't pay me so well, I'd out of here in a flash.

Meet Merlin

2005-04-19T02:41:00.000-07:00

My cat arrived Saturday on the afternoon train. I was early to pick him up, so I decided to have cheesecake and a latte at a nearby Italien restaurant/coffee shop. I slipped into one of the corner booths, hoping to have some quiet time to gather my thoughts before the rest of the weekend. I was startled by the shouts of a ten year old boy walking past my table, "Sunglasses, pretty! Sunglasses, pretty!" This is a bizarre thing that happens nearly every day I'm in Korea. For some reason, they always shout this same thing, if I'm resting my sunglasses up on my head. Later on when I was shopping with one of my friends, they said the same thing to both of us. "Sunglasses, pretty!" I have no idea what the novelty is... I see Koreans wearing their sunglasses this way all the time. I remain clueless. The same child walked by a few minutes later, shouting, "You stupid! You are stupid!" Cheesecake is a bit of a misnomer for what arrived on my plate. It was more like fluffified cake with a cheese flavor. Still edible, so I wasn't complaining. Halfway through my snack I hear wild exclamations of, "Miss Coppy! Miss Coppy!" and I look up to see a group of my students pointing and giggling. Koreans can't say the 'f' sound, so they substitute a 'p' sound. I waved politely and they scurried off to their table. When my cell phone rang, it was the Canadian couple to tell me that they had arrived. I was more than happy to leave.

They called him Frank, but after spending an afternoon with him, I knew his name should be Merlin. He has the wildest eyes I have ever seen. Before his previoius owners left, he seemed quite well-behaved and very curious about his new surroundings. After they left, he started yowling like there's no tomorrow! He tore around the house, as if he were being chased by something frightful. My friend Rochelle came over and he refused to be held for pictures. From time to time he can be very affectionate, and I hope to train him to be moreso. Unfortunately, he takes great pleasure in clawing up my wallpaper and ratting my hair while I'm trying to sleep. I hide his toys at nighttime, so he won't make too much noise, but the fiendish beast is too smart for that! He finds them every time and begins a new round of bell-ringing at 5:30 a.m.

Merlin is the advisor to Arthur in Anglo-Norman legendry. The character was created by Geoffrey of Monmouth in his twelfth-century History of the Kings of Britain, combined with the Welsh traditions about a bard and prophet named Myrddin. Alfred Lord Tennyson makes him the architect of Camelot in The Idylls of the King. You can find the entire text here: http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/tennidyl.txt

Graven in the oldest tongue of all this world,
"Take me," but turn the blade and ye shall see,
And written in the speech ye speak yourself,
"Cast me away!" And sad was Arthur's face

Taking it, but old Merlin counselled him,
"Take thou and strike! the time to cast away
Is yet far-off." So this great brand the king
Took, and by this will beat his foemen down.

amid these

2005-04-18T00:24:00.000-07:00

It's a grey, rainy afternoon here in Bucheon, and I'm home sick. A wicked sore throat gripped me yesterday, and I couldn't sleep, nor swallow all night long. In the morning, after calling my Korean co-teacher to tell him I would not be joining them at school today, I popped a vicodin that I had left over from getting my wisdom teeth out. I passed out and slept until 2 in the afternoon. Sometimes you just know you'd get better if you could only get some sleep. Awake now. Went to the pharmacy, picked up the Korean version of Dayquil, some soup, and some bread. Nobody has to twist my arm to get me to stay home sick ;o) You won't hear me saying, "Don't worry about me- I'll be fine *cough,cough* Just dandy." Ah, no, rather, "... of the questions of these recurring; Of the endless trains of the faithless--of cities fill'd with the foolish;...O me! so sad, recurring--What good amid these, O me, O life?" (walt whitman)..."Could someone bring me a fluffier pillow, please?"

Celebrating 50 years of Burger Goodness

2005-04-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

McDonald's turns 50 today! I must admit that I love McDonald's and that the birthday of this American icon makes me a little homesick. Whenever I go, I order the two cheeseburger meal. If I eat it fast enough, I can put the whole thing away like nobody's business. If I take my time, then somebody else has to eat the other burger. I worked for McDonald's once for about a week, but they fired me. Actually, I made so many mistakes that they were like, "Listen... uh, we'd like to give you the opportunity to go ahead and resign, if you would, please." That was the day that I was supposed to load the ice cream cones into the dispenser. The thing was spring-loaded and it crushed them all in a big mess. I worked there, because it was a block from my home, and I hated driving anywhere. I thought it would be highly convenient and not like working at all. What a big bozo! But even in all that, I love McDonald's and will eat there at least once every month and a half to two months for the next 50 years of its corporate life, provided that I'm at home in the States. They just don't do burgers right anywhere else...

Courting the Muse: Sir Philip Sidney on Blogging

2005-04-14T06:13:00.000-07:00

Sir Philip Sidney (1554–1586)

from Astrophil and Stella

Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show,
That she dear she might take some pleasure of my pain,
Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know,
Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain,
I sought fit words to paint the blackest face of woe:
Studying inventions fine, her wits to entertain,
Oft turning others' leaves, to see if thence would flow
Some fresh and fruitful showers upon my sunburned brain.
But words came halting forth, wanting Invention's stay;
Invention, Nature's child, fled stepdame Study's blows;
And others' feet still seemed but strangers in my way.
Thus, great with child to speak, and helpless in my throes,
Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite:
"Fool," said my Muse to me, "look in thy heart, and write."

sea weed soup

2005-04-12T22:49:00.000-07:00

Lunch: Sticky purple rice with salty sea weed papers, sea weed soup, some kind of seasoned clams, fried kimchi, and a little plastic container of liquid yogurt. Most people finish off their meal with a little bowl of water that has been sweetened by clumps of rice in it, but I choose black coffee from the little machine on the counter. American blood gets the better of me.

They will not allow us to use the heater in our office, because some of the lights were flickering on our floor yesterday and they had to send some students home. There is no logic in the request for us not to use our heater. We've been using all the time since I've been here and the lights never flickered. My guess is that there's something wrong with the lights themselves. (These lights are in the classrooms far away from our office)...
I taught my English Listening class today with the help of Annie Lennox ("Waiting in Vain") and Daniel Bedingfield ("If You're not the One") which has personal significance for me. Here's a clue: Next time do not choose songs to which you are personally attached. It's like inviting strangers into your living room for tea ;o)

Tonight: Tuna melt, work, shower, candlelit teatime, sleep.

Gum-Chewing Gangsta!

2005-04-12T03:15:00.000-07:00

I found out today that some of my students are afraid of me. One of the other English teachers told me that they are afraid, because I look so different and because sometimes they see me chewing gum. She informed me that it is usually only gangsters who chew gum, and the students have never seen their teachers chewing it. Why is their first reaction one of fear? Surely, they know I'm not a gangster. Conformity is so highly valued here that it breeds xenophobia. Yesterday I wore two different coloured socks. (The socks match, but the toes and heels are different colors, if that makes sense) The students were so confused. Some of the girls saw my socks, turned bright red, and asked, "Miss Coffey, why your socks.... why your socks different?" Because I don't care. Because the sky is blue. Because your mom goes to college. You've hit the jackpot. Choose your own reaosn for everything! Independent thinking is utterly foreign to them. They've never been taught how to choose or think for themselves. It seems that everything is about what the group is doing. That's fine if they want to be that way, but I don't want fear to be a byproduct of that. I don't want to be feared. I want them to feel comfortable with me, and I want them to obey me. That's about it. ;o)

Sunday I went shopping with my kiwi friend. Good times. We went all over the outdoor and indoor markets of Dongdaemun. She bought clothes. I bought a tank top that ended up being too small, a pair of mis-matched socks, and silver hoop earrings. I've never worn hoop earrings before, because I thought it might look too J-Lo. Yesterday I wore them to school, which probably added to my gangster-like qualities. I guess Korea is an easy place to reinvent yourself, whether you want to or not.

chisels

2005-04-11T12:55:00.000-07:00

I saw a woman throw up after getting off the subway yesterday- just spilled everything out onto the platform. Do you ever see someone vomit and wish that you could throw up on the inside, just spew out all the pain and poison? There's such simplicity in how the body reacts to toxins. To the best of its ability it immediately flushes them out. How is it then that our hearts are made to embrace such complexity, too often internalizing the poisons we come across?

I wish I were far away somewhere, watching the sunset over a western sea. What comfort there is in watching our star drown in the ocean and melt like so much fiery ink, spelling out His faithfulness to us. His torrid, burning letters sear my heart and seal me for no other. The rhythm of the day wearing into night, the urgency of the light of morning, all steady a weary heart with the cadence of earth and heaven.

Why do you court the attention of the others and leave me here? Take a number, please. I will never be as pretty. I will never be nearly as fun as those who surround you. What heart-breaking shame there is to wait like a puppy at someone's heels, and yet a woman is made to love only one man and in the waiting cannot seek the attention of others who would so quickly devour. What kind of heart is made to permit such carelessness? Wisdom dictates patience. The Lord of Romance told me it was to be the other way around. He's always been there, faithfully waiting through our foolish days and whorish nights. I lay down in awe before such love and patience, and I set myself apart for the one who will choose me in the same way.

All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves
I wrecklessly built all my dreams in the sand
Just to watch them all wash away
Through another day
Another trial
Another chance to reconcile
To the One who sees past all I see
And reaching out my weary hand
I pray that You understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me

(jennifer knapp- "chisels")

saunatized

2005-04-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

If you're not used to taking naps, they can be extremely disorienting. Beware. I must have slept for three hours! I'm really not supposed to work saturdays, but my school is twisting my contract in order to require it about every other saturday. I showed "Legally Blonde" and had them fill in the blanks of a worksheet I made. ;O) I taught them how to say, "Hey girls, this party is super fun!" Some kids got up during the movie and were looking out the window for several minutes. I made it pretty clear that if they don't want to be there, then they can leave. I don't care. Just don't do that. You've not seen stern until you've attended my class. You gotta be with these kids. At noon I went home. The rain pattered against my window like little toy hammers beating tiny plastic nails, while I hibernated most of the afternoon. I'm getting ready to brew up some barley tea. I drink that stuff like there's no tomorrow! I took a shower, not because I needed one, mind you, but because I wanted to be warmer... completely saunitized my bathroom. (made up a new verb, means to make like a sauna)

The saunas here are everywhere and very cheap. I hear that they're excellent, but I've never been to one. You do have to be naked in front of everyone, though, which I wouldnt mind so much as long as it's not in my neighborhood. There's no way I'm going to one around here and give wings to the chance that one of my 500 students could see me naked! Yikes. From what I've heard, western women have no problems going to a sauna, and nobody stares at you. Western guys however, now that's another story for reasons that a lady need not detail.

You know what song gets stuck in my head? "Invisible Touch" by Genesis. Reminds me of olden days. I've been eating an inordinate amount of grilled cheese and egg salad sandwiches alternately lately... Time to head out to dinner somewhere.

strawberry milk

2005-04-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

I nearly threw up on the way to work this morning- the smog was absolutely unbearable. I'm not usually sensitive to pollution, but today it was like breathing sheer poison. I really tried to keep it down, because I knew that I didnt have a toothbrush at school, and I didnt want to have vomit breath for the rest of the day. The scent of bile isn't nearly as charming and fashionable as it used to be ;o) In my first class, I felt like I was babysitting high school girls so naughty that it threatened to ruin the rest of the morning. Thankfully, that passed with a soft scolding. Most of my classes are either all girls or all boys. I'm still struggling to know how to discipline these students. As I write this, my co-worker is yelling at two boys here in the office. I'm not able to communicate so clearly to them, so I have to use a lot of body language. They're exasperating, puckish at times, but most of all precious, and I want to be careful with them. One harsh word or even a look can dampen any spark of desire to learn and make them instantly feel foolish and small. I don't want that. Some of them are so shy that they are mortified if I catch their eye while speaking.

Every desk has a carton of strawberry milk and a pencil bag, often pink with teddy bears or pandas. One girl has a notebook that says, "Little Princess Plans." So impressionable and so eager to be accepted... my little ladies. Their pronounciation is abysmal, but I am careful not to make them feel ashamed. Most of them will never leave Korea and will never use English, yet it's my task to teach them conversation in hopes that they will be prepared for university. "Teacher, your eyes so big! I want your eyes." I make a motion of popping them out and tossing them to her ;o) "Miss Coffey, is that your real hair color?" No, my dear, it's dyed. "Teacher, do you have a boyfriend?" They want to know every little personal detail. Some foreign teachers are offended by this, but how can we know anyone if we never get personal? Today my lesson was about Personality Traits. As much as I'd rather be sitting around with them in pajamas, watching movies in fuzzy slippers, we have real lessons to do. "Teacher, what does passive mean?" I answer, "A passive person waits for others to act. Passive means not dominant, not a leader, not active. Someday you will meet some guys like this. " ;o) I'm entirely certain that they missed the significance of my parenthetical comment but they'll find out soon enough.

Another class before lunch. "Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead!"

Back in Korea

2005-04-02T21:03:00.000-08:00

I flew in last night from Japan. I had to stay overnight in Fukuoka to get my work visa, and it was a lovely two days. I'm exhausted and sore and ready for an afternoon in my apartment. This morning I was awakened by my Korean co-teacher calling on the phone.

Him: "Sarah, this is Jay."
Me: *groggy morning voice* "Jay, good morning, how are you?"
Him: "Good. Can you come to school today? We plan lesson for monday."
Me: "No." *mind running, where am I? what country? who am I talking to?*
Him: "No?"
Me: "Um, Jay, don't you remember? I don't work saturdays. I planned all the lessons for the rest of the semester. Just drop by later and I'll go over the plan with you."
Him: "Okay. You take a rest."
Me: *riiiight...dont call me on saturday morning, EVER* "Sure, thanks, Jay."
Him: "See you."
Me: "Byebye" *back to sleep*

So monday I'm back to work now that I'm legal with my visa and everything. Going from west to east is the biggest culture shock I've ever endured. If I did everything they wanted me to do, I'd go out of my mind and lose my identity. I'm perfectly content being the outspoken American girl who my co-workers enjoy but don't quite understand. "What? You don't WANT to work overtime? But our principal would really like it if you would." ... "What? No Saturdays?" It's written into my contract, but they can't seem to remember. On a happy note, the food is sensationally spicy and always leaves my lips burning with with flavor....my apartment is a den of comfort and simplicty, very spacious and modern. I've met all kinds of interesting foreigners and we all bond quite instantly, if only to battle the chaos of work life in Korea. Things are definitely looking up, and I'm quite determined to have a good time.

Se non ci sei tu con me

2005-01-08T23:23:00.000-08:00

Quando sono solo
Sogno all’orizzonte
E mancan le parole
Si lo so che non c’? luce
In una stanza
Quando manca il sole
Se non ci sei tu con me, con me.
Su le finestre
Mostra a tutti il mio cuore
Che hai acceso
Chiudi dentro me
La luce che
Hai incontrato per strada

Union

2005-01-08T09:02:00.000-08:00

"A young bride who has fainted into the embrace of her husband is closely united with him, but she does not enjoy the blessedness of her union with him because she is unconscious. Nonetheless, her husband holds her in his arms while she is in a state of fainting that has come from excess love. He recalls her to life again tenderly by his caresses, and as she comes to consciousness she knows that she possesses him who her soul loves and that she is possessed by him.

"So, too, it is with the believer."

-MADAME GUYON - Union with God